before Junior comes popping into the world.
"Please don't call him Junior. J.B. hears that crap, and it'll be a done deal. Can you imagine? A half Flamingo/half Hound Dog Shifter from Tallulu Parish, LA named Junior. The boy will be teased to distraction for all his natural-born life."
“Point taken,” I agreed. “Get yourself another non-alcoholic margarita and forget I said anything.”
“You got it, Girl,” Maxi chirped, giving me a thumbs up with one hand while she accepted what was really a limeade on the rocks, but we called a non-alcoholic margarita just for her from Edna.
“Okay,” I began before my Flock started getting restless and cranky. “First of all, I got to meet Cassandra – my Canary – in the feathers.”
Waiting for some response. Anything. A ‘the hell you say’ or ‘you have got be kiddin’, all I got were blank stares and total silence.
“Did y’all hear me?”
Still no answer.
Talking really slow, I mean like I was speaking to a kitten who was stuck in a tree slow, I repeated, "My six-foot-two-inch, covered in yellow feathers, orange-beaked, loud mouth, alter ego and I got to look each other in the eye."
“The hell you say,” Edna sputtered.
(See, that’s what I was talkin’ about. Somebody finally woke up.)
“What the…?
“You can’t be serious?”
“Really?”
“No shit?”
It seemed that Eds' comment had woken everybody up. The questions were coming so fast I couldn't keep up and didn't even try. I just went right on telling my story.
"Yep, it's true. I got to see Cassie in real life, not just in a mirror. It was weird, and I don't recommend it. The process of getting her out then back in sucks big, hairy Water Buffalo Balls." Whipping my head around and looking up at Tank, I quickly added while frantically shaking my head, "Not that I've ever done that. I would never… I'm not that kinda… That is to say…"
Grinning and chuckling, my man patted my shoulder, "I know you aren't, Sweetheart. I've seen inside your heart, mind, and soul, remember? I know you." Giving me a wink, he urged, "We're good."
Blowing out a breath and turning back to my Flock, who were shamelessly laughing and teasing me, I ignored them all and started again. "Like I was saying, having your Bird sucked out of your soul is horrible. I never want to do it again. But the cool thing was, I got to see Miss MacElfresh."
“No freakin’ way,” Max blurted out with a half-eaten tortilla chip and some of Edna’s homemade salsa joining in just for the fun of it. “Miss M. should be in the heavenlyiest Heaven of all. She was definitely one of the best. Hell, she deserved sainthood for not killing any of us while we were her students.”
Wholeheartedly agreeing, the heads of every single one of my Flock nodded, even Zelda and Cora, who never met the woman. But I let that go. Especially since I knew how strong Edna could make the margaritas.
"I know," I yelped. "I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on."
"Did you ask?" Colleen sarcastically inquired with a roll of her eyes like I was a total nerd.
“Of course, I as…”
And just like that, I was rendered mute. My lips were flapping, my hands were flying around – 'cause on account of, I talk with my hands – but not a damned thing was coming out.
While trying to answer not only my hunka-hunka-prehistoric hottie along with all my friends as they were screaming, yelling, and in some cases growling, 'Clem, what's wrong?' a gas bubble the size of the Goodyear blimp lodged itself between my diaphragm and my lungs underneath my ribs.
(Not that kinda diaphragm, you goofball. Didn’t you take biology in school? How many times do I have to tell you to get your mind outta the gutter? When it’s time for the bow-chicka-wow-wow portion of this story, you will be the first to know. Cool? Okay then.)
It hurt like all kinds of hell and felt like I was going to burp my ass right out of my chair, up the stairs, and into the tree Pauline likes to perch in when she thinks she's a Chipmunk. However, when I opened my mouth, it was Mabel Thomas' voice that came booming out.
“What the hell is wrong with you young’uns?” She hollered, just like she used to when the girls and I used to pick blackberries off her bushes.
Involuntarily turning my head till I was looking at both Tank and Jenn, she took her tone down