same page at the same time. There was a stretch where I wanted another, but he was working so much that he wasn’t ready. Then when Clara was about thirteen, Chris brought up the idea of having another one, but the thought of having an infant and a teenager at the same time seemed a little terrifying. We haven’t brought it up since, and now that I’m thirty-four, I’m not sure I want to start over.
Elijah is the perfect solution. A part-time baby I get to play with and send back home.
“Too bad I’m still in high school,” Lexie says. “I’d be a great babysitter.”
Jenny rolls her eyes. “Weren’t you the one who put a random dog in my backyard because you thought it was mine?”
“It looked like your dog.”
“I don’t even have a dog,” Jenny says.
Lexie shrugs. “Well, I thought you did. Excuse me for being proactive.” Lexie finally takes her seat after having made her plate. “I can’t stay long. I have a Tinder date.”
“I still can’t believe you’re on Tinder,” Jenny mutters. “You’re sixteen. Don’t you have to be eighteen to even open an account?”
Lexie grins. “I am eighteen on Tinder. And speaking of things that surprise us, I’m still shocked you’ve had the same boyfriend for more than one night. It’s so unlike you.” She looks at Jonah. “No offense.”
“None taken,” Jonah says with a mouthful.
Jenny and Lexie have always had this kind of banter. I find it entertaining, mostly because they’re so much alike. Jenny had a string of boyfriends throughout her twenties, and had there been Tinder back then, Jenny would have been Tinder Queen.
Me, not so much. Chris is the only guy I’ve ever dated. The only guy I’ve ever kissed. That happens when you meet the man you’re going to marry at such a young age. Hell, I met Chris before I even knew what I wanted to study in college.
I guess it didn’t matter, though, because I didn’t last that long in college. Having Clara so young put a hold on any dreams I had for myself.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. Now that Clara is getting older, I’ve been feeling this gaping hole inside me, like it’s sucking the air out of each day that passes by, where all I do is live for Chris and Clara.
Clara finally walks into the house in the middle of my self-deprecating thought. She stops about five feet from the table, ignoring everyone and everything around her as her finger moves over her phone screen.
“Where have you been?” Chris asks her. She’s only about thirty minutes later than usual, but he notices.
“Sorry,” she says, placing her phone down on the table next to Lexie’s. She reaches over Jonah’s shoulder to grab her plate. “Theater meeting after school and then one of my classmates needed a ride.” She smiles at me. “Happy birthday, Mom.”
“Thank you.”
“Who needed a ride?” Chris asks her.
Jenny and I look at each other right when Clara says, “Miller Adams.”
Shit.
Chris drops his fork to his plate.
Lexie says, “Excuse me? Where was my phone call about this?”
Chris looks at Jenny and then at me like he’s about to scold us for lying to him. I grip his leg under the table. A sign I don’t want him to mention we were talking about it. He knows as well as I do that Jenny is a good source of information for what’s going on in our daughter’s life, and if he reveals Jenny was telling me about their conversation, we’ll all suffer.
“Why are you giving Miller Adams a ride?” he asks her.
“Yes,” Lexie says. “Why did you give Miller Adams a ride? Don’t leave out a single detail.”
Clara ignores Lexie, responding only to her father. “It was barely a mile. Why do you seem so bothered by it?”
“Don’t do it again,” Chris says.
“I vote do it again,” Lexie says.
Clara looks at Chris in disbelief. “It was hot out—I wasn’t going to make him walk.”
Chris raises his eyebrow, something he doesn’t do very often, which makes it all the more intimidating when he does. “I don’t want you involved with him, Clara. And you shouldn’t be giving guys rides. It isn’t safe.”
“Your father is right,” Lexie says. “Only give hot guys rides when I’m with you.”
Clara falls down into her seat and rolls her eyes. “Oh my God, Dad. He’s not a stranger, and I’m not dating him. He’s had the same girlfriend for a year.”
“Yeah, but his girlfriend is in college, so