hallway, so I follow her because I need to know more.
“He put a heart emoji?”
She doesn’t answer me. She keeps walking.
“What color was it?”
She’s still ignoring me.
“Mom! Was it red? Was it a red heart?”
We’re in the kitchen now. I lean against the counter because I feel something speeding through my head. A whoosh. I grip the counter for balance, then burp. I cover my mouth.
My mother shakes her head, her eyes full of disappointment. “It’s like you printed off a checklist for ways to rebel and you’ve been marking them off one at a time.”
“I don’t have a checklist. But if I did, you’d probably take that from me, too, because I like checklists. Checklists make me happy.”
My mother sighs, folding her arms over her chest. “Clara,” she says, her voice gentle. “Sweetie. How do you think your father would feel if he could see you right now?”
“If my father were alive, I wouldn’t be drunk,” I admit. “I respected him too much to do that.”
“You don’t have to stop respecting him just because he’s dead.”
“Yeah, well. Neither do you, Mom.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
MORGAN
Clara’s comment cut deep.
I realize she drank an entire bottle of wine on her own. Two of them were completely empty. But sometimes drunken stupors make people more honest than they normally would be, which means she truly believes I’m disrespecting her father.
It kills me that she thinks I’m the one in the wrong.
I hope this passes. Her anger, her rebellion, her hatred toward me. I realize she’ll never fully get over it, but I hope in the coming days, she can somehow find it in herself to forgive me. I’m sure she will once we’re able to sit down and have a conversation, but she’s still reeling from the realization that Jonah and I are intimately involved. To be honest, I’m still reeling from the realization.
I open her door one more time to check on her before going to my bedroom. She’s out cold. I’m sure she’ll wake up with a raging hangover, but right now, she looks peaceful.
I kind of hope she does have a hangover. What better way to ensure your child doesn’t drink again than for their first time to be an awful experience?
I hear my cell phone ringing, so I leave Clara’s door cracked and go to my bedroom. In all the times Jonah has called me, this is the first time I’ve allowed myself to be excited to hear his voice. I sit down and lean back against the headboard and answer it. “Hi.”
“Hey,” he says. I can hear the smile in his voice.
It’s quiet for a moment, and I realize he probably had no pressing reason to call me other than just to talk. That’s a first. It’s exhilarating, feeling wanted.
I slide down onto my back. “What are you doing?”
“Staring at Elijah,” Jonah says. “It’s so weird how fascinating it is just watching a baby sleep.”
“It doesn’t end. I was just staring at Clara when you called.”
“That’s good to know. So things were better when you got home?”
I laugh. “Oh, Jonah.” I press my hand to my forehead. “She’s wasted. She and Lexie drank two and a half bottles of wine while I was at your house.”
“No.”
“Yes. She’s gonna regret it in the morning.”
He sighs. “I wish I knew what advice to give you, but I’m at a loss.”
“Me too. I’m calling a family therapist in the morning. I should have done it sooner, but I guess it’s better late than never.”
“Should I expect her in class tomorrow?”
“I don’t know that she’ll be able to get out of bed.”
He laughs, but it’s an empathetic laugh. “I hope the years drag by before Elijah is that age.”
“They won’t. It’ll go by in a blink.” It’s quiet for a moment. I like hearing him breathe. I kind of wish I was there with him right now. I cover myself with my blanket and roll onto my side, resting my phone against my ear.
“You want to know one of my favorite memories of you?” Jonah asks.
I grin. “This sounds fun.”
“It was my senior prom. Your junior prom. You remember?”
“Yes. You went with Tiffany Proctor. I spent the whole night trying not to watch the two of you dance. I can admit now that I was insanely jealous.”
“Makes two of us,” Jonah says. “Anyway, Chris was excited leading up to prom because he’d gotten a hotel for the two of you. I tried not to think about it all night. When it came time for