know Mom’s not here to see it. I have a stack of half a dozen magazines Dad has given me in the past month hidden behind my dresser.
Something’s different about this one. There are no women on the cover. Only men. I open it and flip through the pages, surprised to see men touching each other. They’re more than touching each other; they’re doing a lot of things. It kind of feels wrong to look at them, but I can’t stop. And just like when I look at the other magazines, I get all funny and tingly inside.
I close it, stash it behind the dresser, and pull out one of the others.
~ ~ ~
My bed creaks. I open my eyes to darkness. Maybe Mom’s coming in to give me a kiss before she goes to bed. She does that sometimes. When large arms go around me, I know it’s not her. I’m still half asleep, so I don’t say anything.
“Shh,” he whispers in my ear.
He gets under the covers with me. I’m confused. Dad used to tuck me in, but I haven’t needed that for a while. He moves around a little behind me. He rubs my back for a minute. Then he reaches around and touches me. He touches me there, and I stiffen.
“Shh,” he murmurs again. “It’s okay. It’s better this way, you’ll see.”
I want to pull away, but I’m scared, so I pretend to be asleep. That’s stupid because he knows I’m awake, but I don’t know what else to do. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my head. I can’t speak. I can’t move.
His hand goes under my shorts and moves on me, and I start to have those same feelings I have when I look at the magazines. But this is different. My insides tighten into something so powerful, I feel like I’m going to explode. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I do. All over my shorts. Immediately after, I feel something hot and wet on my back as Dad groans behind me.
I’m frozen. My insides feel all twisted, and a sick feeling washes over me. What happened felt good, but I’m frightened and disgusted too.
Dad wipes my back. “You’re a man now,” he whispers. “I told you it would be better this way. You liked it, or you wouldn’t have ejaculated. I knew you would.” He sits up, but I don’t move. “You’re lucky to have a father like me who is willing to show you everything. And Luke is lucky to have someone like me paying his medical bills. Your mom tells me all the time she doesn’t know what she would do without me.” He gets out of my bed. “Remember, Liam. Men don’t talk about the things we do behind closed doors. We’re good at keeping secrets. Secrets keep our family safe. They keep us intact. They keep us strong. Don’t ever forget that.”
He shuts the door behind him when he leaves. I change my shorts and get back in bed. I gaze at the ceiling.
Becoming a man isn’t anything like I thought it would be.
Chapter Eighteen
Ella
I lie on a beach towel next to Bria and Katie while the men throw a Frisbee.
“We’re glad you could make it, even if it’s only for a few days,” Bria says to Brad’s fiancée.
I roll onto my stomach and face Katie. “Tell me how it happened. How did he propose? Wait, let me guess. Did he take you to the top of the Empire State Building? Or maybe on a romantic picnic in Central Park. Did he do it onstage after a concert?”
She laughs. “None of the above. It was back in December. His family invited mine over so they could meet. We’d just finished playing a riveting game of Trivial Pursuit. Right there at the table, out of nowhere, he asked.”
I try not to look surprised. I mean, she’s dating a rock star. I thought there might be a little pomp and circumstance. I can’t think of a more boring way to get proposed to. “When’s the wedding?”
“Beats me. His schedule is up in the air right now. Ronni wants them back in the recording studio by summer. That is if Liam gets around to writing the music. Makes it hard to plan a wedding. Makes it hard to plan anything.”
My spine stiffens, and I get defensive. “He’s writing a lot of music. Has been for weeks.”
“Well, good. Maybe we can shoot for later in the summer unless something else