let the cold air whoosh over my body.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Let the cold air saturate you. Let it consume you. Numb you.
You don’t need to hurt yourself.
You don’t need to hurt yourself.
You don’t need to hurt.
Don’t need to
Don’t need—
I shut the refrigerator door quickly.
More. I needed more.
I raced to my room, closed and bolted the door. I yanked my purse off my shoulder and spilled the contents on to my bed. From there I could access the zippered pocket.
Home to my blade.
These are my friends…
The words to the song from Sweeney Todd echoed in my mind, a love song to his razors.
I understood all too well.
I held the sharp blade in my hand, regarded its shape against the light skin of my palm.
My friend.
Always could count on my friend for relief.
I shed my shoes and workout leggings quickly until I stood only in my green cotton panties.
The scar was still red and jagged. Yes, red and jagged…but healed. No scabbing. No oozing. It was totally healed.
These are my friends.
My friend.
I grasped the blade between my thumb and first two fingers and slowly lowered it to the scar.
I let the coolness of the silver blade sit against my flesh for a minute as I savored what was to come.
My friend…
Then I sliced into my flesh.
Chapter Fifteen
Bryce
The trainers’ office was empty. I stood for a few minutes until a young woman entered.
“Sorry to keep you waiting. What can I help you with?”
“I’m looking for your new trainer.”
“Dom? He’s with a client right now. Are you interested in booking a session?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Are you looking for something specific in a trainer?”
“Just want to get in shape.”
“I can probably help you.” She held out her hand. “I’m Amber.”
“I’m sure you’re great,” I said, “but I’d feel comfortable working with a male trainer.”
“I understand. Dom should be done in a few minutes if you want to wait. Or I can grab Sal or Mel for you.”
Dom, Sal, and Mel. Sounded like the gym mafia. “I’ll wait for Dom if that’s okay.”
“Sure enough. I’ll send him in when he’s done.”
Amber walked out, her tight behind wiggling slightly. Yeah, she was cute and had a hot little body. Her auburn hair was attractive too. But like Heidi, she did nothing for me.
No woman—other than Marjorie Steel—would ever turn me on again.
I took a seat and pulled out my phone. Might as well check a few emails while I waited. I grabbed my wallet for the card Joe had given me last night. Time to see what the Spider was up to, if anything. I typed in the address and the password, and—
“Hi. You wanted to see me?”
I looked up. A tall guy with black hair and olive skin stood in the room. I rose and held out my hand. “Yeah, Bryce Simpson.”
He shifted slightly. Probably just my imagination.
“Dominic James.” He took my hand. “Amber says you’re looking for a trainer.”
“I am. Nothing major. Just need to get back in shape, you know?”
He glanced away from me for a second. “You look pretty good. I assume you just want to work on some definition?”
Why had he glanced away if he was assessing my physique?
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Right.”
“You a member here?”
“No, I usually just pay the daily fee.”
“If you want to buy a membership, I can give you a discount on training.”
I didn’t have the money or time for a membership, and I wasn’t really interested in training. I was interested in learning more about this guy Marj was training with.
“Tell you what,” I said. “Can we set up a trial session before I buy a membership?”
“Sure. Great idea. What’s your schedule look like?”
Man, I really hadn’t thought this through. As of Monday, I’d be knee-deep into Steel financials. I wouldn’t have time to leave the ranch to work out. “Do you have weekend hours?”
“Sure. I’m here today, aren’t I?”
Right. Today was Saturday. “Perfect. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first?”
“Not at all. Shoot.”
“Where did you study?”
“UCLA, bachelor’s and master’s in PE.”
Funny, he didn’t look like a California guy. He was about as far from a blond surfer as could be.
“And experience?”
“Three years personal training. Just moved here from Cali. I actually trained a few lesser-known celebrities. I don’t have Beyoncé and Jay-Z as references, but I’ve worked with some great athletes and with some up-and-coming actors.”
“Good. Good.” What else? I didn’t really give a rat’s ass what kind of training the guy had. I wanted to know what