as Bull rubs my lower back, doing anything in his power to try and make this easier for me. I see the helplessness in his eyes, and I hate it. I know without a doubt that if he could take the pain away, he would, but I had to go and be a hero and do it without drugs, and now it’s far too late.
What was I thinking? I’ve been through this with the girls and know exactly just how awful it’s going to be, yet when offered the epidural, I waved the doctor away with a smile. A fucking smile.
God, I’m an idiot. What am I trying to prove? No one is going to look at me any differently if I were to seek out some pain relief. What does it matter now, anyway? My window is closed, and now I have no choice but to suck it up and prove to myself for the third time just how incredible and strong my body is.
Women are machines. We’re able to grow babies, house, feed, and nurture them before tearing our bodies apart just to say hello. While men, what are they good for? They’re able to make their dicks hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly a cool trick, but no wonder they try to overcompensate in every other aspect of their lives.
Bull steps in closer to my side as the doctor prepares for delivery. “Come on, Angel. Let me help you onto the bed.”
I shake my head. “I don’t … I can’t. It hurts too much to move.”
“I know,” he murmurs, keeping his hand moving on my back. “You don’t have to move. Let me do it for you.”
I look up at him, begging him to do this as gently and quickly as he possibly can. I have no doubt that the doctor is more than capable of delivering this baby in this position, but that’s not what I want. I give Bull a nod and scrunch my face in anticipation, knowing this is going to suck.
Bull dips down and scoops me into his arms, and the movement has me wanting to throw up, but before I have the chance to complain, he’s already placing me safely onto the bed.
Midwives come in at both sides, and before I know it, I have pillows jammed behind my back, my knees are up at my head, and the contraction is bearing down on me. “You’ve got this,” Bull tells me, pumping me up like he would an athlete before a big game.
I keep my eyes on the doctor, waiting for her instructions. “Damn straight, I do,” I tell him as his hand finds mine, giving me something solid to squeeze down on.
Bull’s right. I’ve got this. I just have to put the pain to the back of my head and concentrate on bringing this child safely into the world. I can scream about my aching vag later. Right now, I’m a woman on a mission, and nothing is going to bring me down. I need warrior stripes across my cheeks and a fucking medal when I’m through.
“Alright, Amelia,” the doctor says with an encouraging smile. “Let’s get ready to push.”
Fear rushes through me, but I try my best to keep it contained, though Bull knows me far too well and reads me like a book. “What are you, Angel?” he demands.
“A bad bitch.”
“You’re a what?”
I take a deep breath before the resolve comes over me. “I’m the mother fucking baddest bitch around here,” I announce proudly before looking at the doctor. “Let’s do this.”
She grins, clearly not having expected that shit to come flying out of my mouth, but who gives a shit? Bull came through for me just as I knew he would, and now this momma is ready to make it happen.
The doctor steps in between my legs and concentrates on what she’s doing as the contraction finally hits. “Alright, Amelia. Push.”
My hand clenches down on Bull’s as I suck in the deepest breath I’ve ever taken and give this baby its final eviction notice. I push with everything I’ve got, feeling my body tearing apart. I want to scream, but I hold it in, focusing the energy on meeting my baby. I feel the exact moment the head comes out, and tears stream down my face. You’d think it would be easier by the third time, but nope. Still stings like a fucking bitch.
“Holy fuck, that’s our baby,” Bull cheers, peering over and getting a look at