because I have cried enough about this. Luckily, this time I don't feel like I have to. Instead I just feel numb.
“So, that's how you ended up in California?” Mom asks. “You and Tyler drove out there?”
I nod.
“I was wondering what we were doing,” Mom says, shaking her head.
“What do you mean?”
“They kept me in a room for a while. Then threw me in the back of that vehicle and we drove for a while. I had no idea where they were going, and neither did they. They complained about that a lot. They wanted to just stop you and get the money from you, but their boss would not let them.”
I glance over at her and say, “Well, I'm sorry that our road trip inconvenienced you all so much.”
We both crack up laughing.
The following Monday, I get a cash advance against the credit that I received from the credit card companies. I'm glad that I didn't make the appointment to meet up with them during the weekend because it actually took a little bit of time for the money to show up in my account.
By Wednesday, I have the envelope and money. I'm ready to put all this behind me.
33
Isabelle
On Thursday, before ten o'clock in the morning, I drive over to Barnes & Noble and park in the big parking lot up front. This is a place where I had spent many happy days during my high school career avoiding other kids and burying my head in books.
I remember how I used to think that I was so grown-up ordering lattes and walking around the store with my paper coffee cup. Now, I am going in to give some stranger thousands of dollars in cash that I don't have in order to pay off the last of my mother's gambling debt. This is probably the most adult thing that I have ever done and yet it hardly feels like that at all.
The store smells fresh and clean like always and I run my fingers over the hardcovers on the large circular table in the very front. Heading over to the café on the right, just on the other side of the magazines and various gift options, I order a latte and grab a seat by the window, facing the front doors.
I look down at my phone. It's a few minutes after ten. I keep glancing over at the front door, eagerly awaiting the person who will finally make all this go away. I put the envelope on the table next to me and hide it under a bridal magazine that I picked off the shelf.
I haven't looked at a bridal magazine in a long time. Now it feels like something that I will never go through. I had never really given getting married much thought when I was a kid but over the week with Tyler, I can’t help but go there. I thought that after all of this was over and we started our life together, maybe then we could make it official. I wonder about how he would ask me and I wonder about how I would react.
None of that has anything to do with the ring or big dress. I just want to be with him.
A guy in his fifties with a receding hairline and a polo shirt sits down across from me. He smiles and I'm surprised by how white and perfect his teeth are even though he reeks of cigarette smoke.
“Do you have it?” he asks.
“Who are you?”
“Do you have it?” he repeats himself, his voice growing impatient.
“Fine, who am I?” I demand to know.
I need to make sure that he's the right guy and I'm not just giving my money to some asshole making a pass at me.
“Amy Nesbit,” he says in a hushed tone. “She is your mom and she owes my boss eight thousand dollars, but you're here with ten to pay for the late fee.”
I fold the magazine up and show him the envelope. He looks a little bit past me, assessing the room and then reaches over, takes it, and slides it into the inside pocket of his jacket.
“Receipt?” I ask when he gets up.
“Excuse me?” he says, pivoting toward me.
“Are you going to give me any proof that you received the payment?” I ask.
My voice is hesitant, but I try to make it strong and authoritative. I don't know how any of this works, but I don't want to just give ten grand to a complete stranger even