to my kettle and made a pot of very strong tea. I poured a cup and allowed myself two spoons of sugar, flouting the strict allowance I had made for myself now that it was rationed. There was nothing like it for settling the nerves as far as I was concerned, and right now my nerves needed to be settled.
It was Nacy’s fault that I had a sweet tooth. Growing up, she had frequently fed us children her delicious biscuits and cups of strong, sugary tea. As we aged into adulthood, Colm and Toby had moved on to stronger beverages, but I had never outgrown my syrupy cuppa.
I took my cup and saucer into the little sitting area and sank onto the faded blue sofa. The flat was small but very comfortable. Uncle Mick had made a present of it for me when I turned eighteen. “A woman needs a place she can call her own, a bit of privacy,” he had told me when handing me the key.
It had been a little bit like moving away when I had left the main house, but I had soon settled into the little flat, enjoying the feeling of independence. And it wasn’t as though the rest of them were far away. The boys had always come to visit me often, as though my moving to the little flat had simply made it an extension of the house.
Everything was so much quieter without Colm and Toby bursting in and out at all hours. I felt the sharp pang of loneliness. I missed them both dreadfully.
I drained my teacup and leaned back against the cushions, falling almost at once into an exhausted sleep.
CHAPTER FIVE
I awoke several hours later feeling well rested and almost at peace. After a hot bath and some buttered bread, I had the sensation that things were settled and we had only to move forward. Worry about what is, not what was or what might be, Uncle Mick always said. I was going to take his advice.
I was just about to ring Major Ramsey when there was a tap on my front door. It surprised me, for Nacy never knocked, and the Women’s Voluntary Services or anyone else collecting donations door-to-door would have gone to the main house.
It crossed my mind that it might be Major Ramsey, but he had told me to contact him, not the other way around.
All of this passed through my mind in the space of time it took to cross the room and open the door.
“Hello, my lovely.” I stared at the man before me. He was like an apparition, a specter of some long-ago past, and I felt frozen in place for just a moment.
“Felix!” I breathed. Then, as if propelled by some invisible force, I flung myself into his arms, heedless of what anyone observing might think.
He pulled me against him, and I was met with the familiar scent of sandalwood soap, tobacco, and aftershave as I pressed my face into his shoulder. It was all so comfortingly familiar that I felt tears spring to my eyes.
At last, he disentangled himself from my embrace, grasping my arms and stepping back to look at me.
“You look as wonderful as I’ve been picturing you all these months. Even better. Oh, don’t cry, love. I can’t bear it.”
“I won’t,” I said, dashing away the tears. “I’m just so happy to see you, that’s all. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Well, you’ve certainly achieved that.”
His eyes were on my face, looking me over as though it had been years since we had seen each other last. In some ways it felt like it had. “You really do look wonderful, Ellie.”
I studied him in turn. He was as debonairly handsome as ever—dark hair, smoothed and parted to one side, the flashing white-teethed smile beneath a thin mustache. But his dark eyes held something different now, and his face was thinner. All of him was thinner, in fact. He wore one of his suits from before the war, not his uniform, and it hung loosely in places.
But now was not the time to stand gaping at him on the doorstep. I half suspected Nacy would be watching us from the windows of the house. If she saw Felix, she would likely come to greet him, and I wanted him to myself for the moment.
I took his arm. “Come in, Felix. I want to hear everything.”
He followed me inside, and I