do for my already fragile heart.
“I’m okay.” Whispering to Micah. He sways us back and forth, I try to reassure him.
Matt tenses and hesitantly approaches us. “Elsa, are you okay with Tyler trying to find him?” He just comes right out and asks. To be honest, it’s rather nice he’s thinking of my feelings when he’s got his own to contend with.
Micah stops rocking us so we both can face his brother.
I sigh, not knowing what to say. “I’m not sure, Matt. Don’t get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to find him, but then what? It changes nothing. He’s been adopted into a family. I just don’t see a happy ending here. It’s selfish on my part, I had to give him up once and doing it again might just kill me.” In all honesty, it will.
Fingers tighten around my shoulders when Micah’s hands freeze. Knowing how badly he wants to see his son, but knowing it won’t change a damn thing hurts me and him beyond belief. I can’t tell them not to try to find our son, this is his right, after all. I can’t deny him what he wants.
“Oh El, baby, this is killing you. Let’s just see what happens. We can always find out and leave it at that.” Not sure if Micah is trying to convince me or himself, but it does sound like a plan. It also gives us time to figure out what we will do if given the chance to see him.
“I have no fucking clue what is right or wrong here.” Matt’s frustrated, running his hands through his hair before he storms off. I get it, but I have no words to comfort him. I can’t even console Micah. Feeling useless is not a feeling I enjoy. In this situation, we have three complete different emotions and ways to look at it, when it comes to Michael. I’m the one who gave birth and had to let him go. Micah’s his father, and he never had a chance to see him. But all the same, he can’t change what happened. Being his father and trying to do what is best for him should be his only concern. Matt, on the other hand, is his uncle and he looks at this differently. I’m not the girl he left to have a baby alone. He’s not the father, he’s the uncle who wants to get the chance to see his only nephew.
With what sounds like a frustrated sigh, Micah said, “Let’s go home.”
I concur. What a first day!
THE NEXT FEW days were pretty much the same, although I had the office running like a well-oiled machine. Trevor is off and running, finally able to concentrate only on his job duties. In doing so, it has taken a lot of pressures off Matt and Micah. With me running the front, everyone’s morale seems to be on the upswing. Every day I’ve feel more comfortable in my role at Taylor Securities, finally letting Micah, and I relax for a change. I had no idea all the cool things our company has to offer and what different types of security we provided to our clients. It’s impressive and a big change from dentistry.
Today, is a day I’m dreading. Micah had to be in the office early for an appointment with a client. I told him I’d rather come in later when the office opened. We’ve been riding together every day, but I just needed some time to myself, because today will be hard enough for me. I have yet to tell him, and I’m not sure if I even should, at this point. Some reminders are just too painful.
Taking my time walking into the office my cell rings, digging in my purse, I find it and press call without even looking at the caller ID.
“Hello.”
“Hey, El.” A voice I flatly did not expect to hear hits me until I realize what this day holds for me. Why am I surprised to hear his voice? Of course, he’d reach out to me.
“Hey Nick, it’s nice to hear your voice.” I stop walking and slide against the wall, I’m left breathless just hearing the voice that has been my calming force for so long.
“Just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I acted, I’ve been going back and forth with myself if I should even call you today. I guess,” his voice trails off but I can hear his deep breathing. “I’m just thinking