to study for the SATs.”
It was such an obvious lie that Kevin immediately had to muffle his laughter, but Mom only smiled. “In that case, make sure you’re home by nine.”
“It might take a little longer. We’re meeting at Dave’s, and he lives all the way up past Market.”
“Ten, then. Not a minute later.”
“Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.” Peter bent down and kissed her on the forehead. She went on smiling that same indulgent smile.
“Hey, if Peter’s going out, can Kevin and I go see a movie?” It was worth a try.
“Oh, yeah, I want to see that one about the killer whale,” Kevin added. “You saw the poster, right? It’s like Jaws, but with, you know, a whale.”
Mom smiled at Kevin again, but her expression was more strained now, and she turned to me before she shook her head. “You need your sleep. Besides, those horror movies are all trash.”
Peter hurried into the kitchen with a stack of plates. At least he didn’t stick his tongue out at me. I jumped up, reached for the glasses, and hurried to carry them in after him.
“Hey.” I set the glasses by the sink and dropped my voice. “What was that about? You haven’t talked to Dave since eighth grade.”
“I’m going to the camera store.” Peter rolled his eyes. “Leonard and Dean and a bunch of the guys are meeting up.”
“Who’s Dean?”
“Just a guy. The election’s getting closer and we’ve got flyers to fold. I’d invite you, but Mom already said you couldn’t go out, and it’s not as if you’d want to, anyway.”
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. I did want to go out with my brother, and I liked the idea of helping Harvey Milk get elected. He’s in the newspaper all the time now, always talking about standing up to special interests and big corporations.
I hated the way I stuck out on Castro Street, though.
Maybe I could work on another campaign or something. For one of the candidates here in our district running against Dan White.
“Don’t worry about it.” Peter turned off the faucet. He didn’t meet my eyes. “By the way, where’d you get that piece of artwork? The one you were showing Kevin?”
Having my brother see Tammy’s collage didn’t bother me the same way it did when Kevin was examining it earlier. “My pen pal made it. Tammy.”
“Really? Wow. She seems cooler than I thought. Anyway, I—”
“Do you two need any help?” Kevin was in the doorway all of a sudden, smiling.
“Nah, we’ve got it.” Peter turned back to the sink without flinching at the interruption. I’m sure my smile was strained, though.
It’s always gone without saying that Kevin couldn’t know about Peter. I don’t know what he’d think if he did. We’ve never talked about homosexuality.
But keeping it secret from Tammy is harder. Over the last few weeks, I’ve started thinking of her as a real friend. Plus, we made that whole promise to be honest, and here I am, holding back something huge.
I can guess how she’d react. She lives in Orange County. Her family founded a church. It’s safe to assume she’s not a fan of gay people.
Being honest is great and all, but that’s a risk I can’t take. Tammy may seem cool, but my brother’s the one who’s always been there for me. I need to be there for him, too.
And I need to figure out a better way to do that than I have so far.
Yours, Sharon
Tuesday, September 6, 1977
Dear Harvey,
I don’t know how I’m even going to write about today without vomiting all over this notebook.
I don’t know how much more I can take.
The fucking pep rally was this afternoon. I’d spent weeks “planning” it, which mostly meant mimeographing flyers and filling out permission forms and baking cookies for all the reporters Aunt Mandy invited (I knew there’d be baking involved somehow). By the time the rally started, I was relieved, since at