could do was hide behind my hands. “When I was with him, I didn’t feel the slightest bit gay.”
“Ew.” Peter wrinkled up his nose. “I didn’t need to know that.”
“I can’t be gay. That’s what I’m saying. I never thought I was. I was positive I was straight, until…”
“Until a certain cute blond girl came along.”
I shoved him with my shoulder. He shoved me back, gently.
“I’m sorry I said what I did.” I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes. “You were right. If you want to be with Dean, or, I guess, with anyone, it’s none of my business how you do it.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not so sure myself anymore.” He reached around behind him and pulled something out of his back pocket. A magazine. “Look.”
He bent down to face the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. The magazine was one of the local weeklies. The lead article was about the Giants’ odds of making the playoffs. I frowned at him, confused.
“It’s toward the back,” he said.
I flipped to the end and worked my way forward. I’d turned five pages when I finally saw it.
The headline said CITY HOMOSEXUAL PARTY DRAWS BIGGEST CROWD YET. At the bottom of the page were two black-and-white pictures. Both were covered with crudely shaped penises and testicles drawn onto the page with a ballpoint pen.
One photo showed Harvey Milk riding in a convertible. The other was of Peter and Dean kissing in the middle of the crowd. In the far corner of that picture, slightly out of focus, was a short-haired blond girl I immediately recognized, even facing away from the camera. Her arm was out to her side, and there was a hand intertwined with hers. The photo cut off without showing any more than that, but there was no question that it was Tammy and me.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered.
Peter yanked the magazine out of my grip. Then he started ripping it, tearing the paper into strips, tearing the strips into confetti.
“Where were you tonight?” I asked him, my voice starting to shake. “Your eyes are all red.”
He ripped off another strip of paper, then another. “I was finishing my delivery route, and I ran into Gary Knopp. Or, well, he ran into me.”
I shuddered. “Was he alone?”
“He’s never alone. Had two other guys with him. Stupider than he is, if you can imagine that.”
I could imagine it easily. I tightened my hand into a fist. “What did they do to you?”
Peter rolled his eyes. “Said some shit. It’s no big deal. I didn’t know what brought it on at first, but as they were leaving, they threw that in my face.”
I stared down at the magazine scraps on the floor. Then I grabbed the biggest shred and crumpled it in my fist. I grabbed the next-biggest piece after that, then the third-biggest, crumpling them all. It wasn’t as satisfying as I’d expected. “Do you think they’ll come back?”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t care about Gary Knopp. I want to know who else’s seen this.”
Oh. Oh, shit. “You mean…”
“That crappy little paper has boxes all over the city.” Peter gave up on ripping and threw himself back onto the bed. “It’s only a matter of time before Mom sees. For all I know, someone’s already shown her.”
I shook my head, my heart pounding. “We’d know. She wouldn’t keep that quiet.”
“What do you think she’ll do?”
I had no idea what Mom would do if she saw a photo of Peter kissing a guy. I freaked when I saw him do it, and I already knew he was gay.
What if Mom recognized Tammy in the photo, too? What if she figured out that was my hand entwined with hers?
“Fuck,” I muttered.
“I’d been thinking of telling her, too.” Peter shook his head without lifting his arm from his face. “Can you believe that shit? I was talking to Dean about it last week. He came out to his parents last year, and they didn’t kick him