I liked it. I liked the feeling of her smooth skin. I liked the honeysuckle smell of her hair. I liked the way she held on as if she had no plans to let go.
I liked the way that she stayed.
17
OLIVER
Dr. Preston wasn’t what I expected her to be. When she showed up to my house, I was expecting to find a woman in a business suit with a briefcase. Instead, I got a very vibrant woman with a wildly bright outfit. She wore thick-framed glasses, and I could almost feel her energy bursting from her being.
“Hi, Oliver?” she asked, holding her hand out toward me. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
I shook her hand. “Yes, Dr. Preston, it’s nice to meet you too.”
She waved a dismissive hand at me. “Oh, no. No ‘Doctor’ needed, really. Just call me Abigail. Can I come in?”
I stepped to the side of the door and welcomed her inside. I didn’t know what to expect from the experience. I had my doubts that Abigail would be able to help me work through the mess that was my mind.
“Do you want to work in my office? Or . . . ?” I started.
Abigail gave me the warmest smile and shook her head. “Oh, we can go wherever you want. I’m flexible. Whatever makes you comfortable. This is about you, not me.”
I chose the living room. She sat in the oversize chair, and I sat down on the sofa. My anxiety started to build up, and I was almost certain Abigail had some sort of sixth sense, because she shook her head. “Don’t worry, that’s normal.”
“What’s normal?”
“Feeling like you don’t know what’s about to happen.”
I snickered and pinched the bridge of my nose. “That’s exactly what I’m feeling. I’m sorry, I’m new to this whole thing. I tried once, and well, the paparazzi kind of ruined that for me. I honestly don’t even know why I decided to reach out to you. I don’t know much, truthfully.”
“Well, I do,” she said matter-of-factly as she crossed her legs and leaned forward toward me. “You know why you reached out to me, Oliver?”
“Do tell.”
“Because you got to the point of being tired of being tired. You are at the edge of despair, and you are looking for light. And when you start looking, it’s good to know that the light is always there for you. My job is to help you get to it sooner rather than later. Now, I’m going to be honest with you: some days you’re going to think I’m your best friend; other days I’m public enemy number one. But regardless, I’m on your team. I’m here to help in any way I can. Healing doesn’t walk a linear line; it takes the messy route. I believe that healing comes during both the dark days and the bright ones. It’s not all rainbows. Sometimes healing means slicing open the scars that made you hurt so much before and examining them to fully understand yourself. Why did the cut hurt you in the past? How did it change you into who you are today? What can we learn from the pain of your yesterdays to better your tomorrows?”
“It seems like a lot to unpack,” I confessed.
“It is. But luckily, there’s no rush. We get to unpack each bag as slowly, as carefully, as we choose. We’re on your timeline, Oliver, not the world’s.”
That brought me a comfort that I didn’t even know I needed to have.
Abigail leaned back in her chair and straightened her glasses. “So, you’re a musician, correct?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Successful?”
“Yes.”
“Did that make you happier?” she asked.
“No.”
She nodded. “So, what you’re saying is, outside success doesn’t define a person’s happiness?”
“Exactly.” For a long time, I believed that money and fame would make everything okay. Truth was, there wasn’t a dollar amount that could make a person happy if their soul was sad.
“So you already know the truth that so many people miss out on. True success comes from within. And that success is defined by being able to wake up and have gratitude. That’s the goal. Now, that’s not saying that everything is perfect when you are happy. That’s not what happiness is. Happiness, gratitude, is the ability to wake up and say, yes, some things in my life are hard right now, but I still get to feel good about one or two things. You get to choose joy, even when times are tough. That’s where we are going to get you.”
“That sounds