and she’d call me a liar. Nothing I said was good enough.
But still, I kept trying.
“Taking meds doesn’t mean you’re crazy, Sammie. It’s just trying to get your hormones in check, is all. Or, you can talk to a therapist. That could help too. Especially with what you went through with—”
“Ugh!” she cried out, rubbing her hands against her face. “You don’t get it! No one gets it! I just don’t want to do this, okay? I just don’t want to deal with any of this anymore.”
My heart was breaking, and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it.
I glanced at my watch and then back to my sister.
Her anger-flooded eyes were now filled with sadness, exhaustion.
Pain.
“I’m sorry, Emery. I’m just having a time, that’s all.”
“It’s okay. I can miss school today and stay with Reese. You can take a break.”
She stood up from the chair and rubbed the palms of her hands against her eyes. “No, really. It’s fine. I have her. You can’t miss school. I’m going to shower fast and then make some coffee. I just need to wake up more.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure. I’m fine.”
I moved in and hugged her, wrapping her tight in my grip so she could feel the comfort that her mind seemed to be missing. “I love you so much, Sammie.”
“I love you too. And I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m just tired.”
The whole day while I was at school, my mind thought back to my sister. I wanted so much to get her the help she needed, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. She refused to acknowledge everything she’d been through.
When I finished my classes for the day, I rushed home to take Reese off Sammie’s hands to give her a break for her nightly walk. As I stepped inside, I heard Reese howling, and my stomach began to flip. I couldn’t help but think of the day that she and my sister had had. I bet they were both emotionally exhausted.
“Sammie, I’m home. I know she can get fussy around this time, so I can take her off your . . .” My words faded as I walked into the house to find Reese lying in her crib, screaming her eyes out. “Sammie?” I called out as panic rolled through my stomach.
I rushed over to Reese and picked her up. Her face was bright red from her burst of emotions.
How long had she been lying there unattended to? How long had she been alone? Where the hell was Sammie?
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I got you. I got you, you’re okay,” I said, hurrying to the bedroom to change Reese’s diaper. As I began to change her, I noticed a note sitting on the gliding chair. I couldn’t force myself to read the note right away—not until the sweet little girl had calmed down.
After Reese was changed, I went and warmed up a bottle. Then, as I fed her and tried my best to soothe the troubled girl, I picked up the letter. A letter that broke my heart with every single word that was written in black ink.
Emery,
I only left five minutes before you’re reading this. I saw you pull up from work and went out the back way. I just hope you understand that I can’t do this. I can’t look at her without seeing him. I cannot hold her, without remembering him holding me down. I cannot be the woman that she needs, I cannot be her mother. I tried, and I know you might think that this is something that’s going to pass, but it’s not. I can’t do this. I can’t. I got some paperwork filled out to leave you as her guardian. You’re the right one for this job, and I wouldn’t trust her with anyone else. As far as me, I’m going off to make a new life for myself. I’m going to find my footing in a new city, and I’m going to begin again.
Please take care of her.
Raise her as your own.
You’re the mother she deserves.
That’s not my daughter. She is yours.
I’m sorry for leaving, but you both are better off.
—Sammie
My teardrops hit the wrinkled paper as I stared down at the words that shattered every piece of me. Then, I went through the apartment and realized that all of Sammie’s things were gone—including her suitcases.
I called Mama to see if she’d gone home.
She hadn’t. Mama told me to keep her out of whatever issues Sammie