knew I couldn’t take it if you died.” She twisted wisps of hair on the top of his head with her fingers. “You see, Tony, I’m not as strong as everybody thinks I am. I don’t take loss well. I know I would never be able to bear the loss of you. Because I love you, you crazy, wonderful Italian hunk. Isn’t that a surprise?” Her chuckle ended on a sob. “The woman who swore she would never date a cop has fallen hopelessly in love with one.”
Erin picked up his hand, pressed her lips against his skin. “But I can’t do this.” The sound of her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper to her ears. She cradled his hand. “I can’t watch you walk out the door every day and wonder if you’ll come home to me at night. I can’t pretend not to listen for the phone when you’re late. Or that I wouldn’t be looking out the window every ten minutes for the police car that would bring me news of your death. Just like they did when my father died.”
Gingerly she laced her fingers with his. “I didn’t even kiss my dad goodbye. I was getting Jack ready for day care and running late. As he left, I yelled, ‘Be safe.’” She chuckled humorlessly. “Be safe. Is a cop ever safe?
“That afternoon my father stopped a car for speeding. I often wonder what he was thinking when he walked up to the driver’s door. Was he whistling, like he often did, figuring it was just another routine traffic stop? Was he cautious? Did he feel fear? All those years…and I never once asked him anything about his job.”
She dabbed her nose with a wadded up tissue from her pocket. “I’m sure Dad didn’t know a drug dealer sat waiting to shoot him to death.”
Erin looked down. “Are you listening, Tony? Can you hear what I’m trying to tell you?”
Tony moaned. “Erin,” he whispered so softly it seemed no more than a breath of air.
“Yes, sweetheart, it’s Erin. You’re out of surgery and the doctor says you’re going to be just fine.” She kissed the side of his face and rained kisses gently on his closed eyelids.
“I’m a coward, Tony. I don’t have what it takes to be a supportive cop’s wife. And I know that deep inside you know that, too.” She laid her head gently on his shoulder and wept. Afternoon shadows fell in waves across the bed. She stood and looked down one more time at the sleeping man. Her lips curved into a smile that held no joy. “Goodbye, Tony.” Without another word, she walked away.
He sat behind the wheel of his car and watched the entourage exit the hospital. He cursed aloud and then cursed again. He thought shooting that cop would have cleared his way. Now it was worse. More cops. They were like cockroaches. Kill one and a dozen more take its place.
He watched the family climb into a minivan. One cop got in the van with them. The other two got in a police car and he knew they would follow her home.
Go away. She doesn’t need protection. She needs punishment.
He laughed. Couldn’t they see the irony of it all? They were the stupid ones. She had them all fooled. The cops were protecting the bad guy.
He couldn’t risk following them back to the house. He’d already driven by once today thinking the house would be empty, but he’d been wrong. Cops were everywhere. Scraping. Bagging. Photographing. Like he’d be stupid enough to leave anything for them to find.
“I’m not stupid,” he screamed aloud. “I’m not.” He pounded his fist on the steering wheel. She made him so angry. It had never been this hard before. His head pounded, the pain behind his eyes intensified. He wouldn’t give up. Not now. Not ever. He’d make her pay. And he’d enjoy every second of it.
He rubbed the space between his eyes and waited for the pain to subside. Think. What could he do to get the cops to go away? He rocked back and forth and moaned. Think. Think. Slowly, he counted to ten. He took several deep breaths and tried to quiet his thoughts.
When he opened his eyes, the solution flashed through his mind and he smiled. Why didn’t he think of it sooner? He tossed it around for another minute or two and grinned. He knew exactly what he had to do to get the cops