how beautiful this man was to me. Not perfect, not flawless, but beautiful just the same.
Now I knew what he felt like against my skin, in my mouth. I knew the expression he made when he came, knew the sounds—those deep agonized groans of pleasure—he uttered. And he knew the same of me. He’d reduced me to a panting, needy mess solely with his mouth and hands.
The knowledge hung between us like smoke, thick and choking. We’d never do any of that again. It was over before it really began.
As if the exact thought filtered through his mind, Lucian’s gaze deepened with what looked like regret—or perhaps an apology. Or maybe it was what I wanted to see. I didn’t know anymore.
He swallowed thickly, his throat working; then he blinked, as if to pull himself out of a haze. “Hello.”
There was no misunderstanding who he was talking to.
My lips felt numb and clumsy as I answered. “Hello.”
Lovely. We’d been reduced to this.
He grunted, shifting his weight, a man deciding whether it was better to stay or flee the scene. He gutted it out, setting his hands low on his hips. “You didn’t eat your breakfast.”
My gaze narrowed, annoyance flaring through me. “No, I didn’t.”
Like hell I would give him an excuse. But I was far too aware of Amalie sitting next to me. And I sent Lucian a quick glare. How dare he rat me out in front of Amalie. He returned my look with one of sheer stubbornness, as though he could somehow will me to eat his food. Too bad. Those days were over.
He blinked again, and I had the strangest feeling that he was absorbing a blow. But then his expression turned to stone, and his attention went to his grandmother. “I got your note about wines. Do you need those for today?”
Amalie, who had remained thoughtfully quiet during our exchange, became animated once more. “Yes, my dearest. If you would be so kind.” I had no idea what they were talking about, nor did I care. I wasn’t going to go poking around in their lives anymore. “Tina has been asking to go out. Perhaps you could take her along?”
Lucian glanced at me, and that brief bit of attention lit over my skin. But he didn’t linger. He focused on Amalie, the only outward sign that I was in the room betrayed by the hard line of his jaw. I’d become as much of an annoyance to him as he was to me.
“I’ll take her.” Again, he glanced at me, as though he wanted to say something. But he didn’t. Not to me. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours, then.”
He hesitated, hovering at the threshold of the room, broad shoulders stiff. And an acute sense of sadness slapped me. For a brief time, I’d set eyes on this man, and it had made me feel alive to know I could tease him, that he’d give as good as he got. That I could ease the darkness in his eyes.
Now, he simply let his gaze skim over me, impersonal, withdrawn. “Emma.”
“Lucian.” It came out so stilted that I cringed inside. But I kept my expression neutral. Polite, even. And it sucked.
We exchanged the most awkward of nods, and he left, taking all the life out of the room. This was why I had to go. And this was why he had been right; it would have been worse if we’d gone further. I should thank him for that.
But I still couldn’t bring myself to. Not yet.
Amalie waited a minute, perhaps to be sure Lucian was well out of hearing, before turning my way. I braced for her questions, but she simply sipped her coffee. “So then, what are your plans for the day?”
I sagged into the corner of the couch. “I’ve rented a car to drive into LA.”
Her perfectly penciled black brows arched. “All the way to LA?”
“Yes. I need to start house hunting. I thought I’d take a look at some of the properties. Maybe spend the weekend there.” I would rather check into a hotel for a few nights than know Lucian was nearby.
“Hmm.” She sipped her coffee.
Oh, she was onto me. I refused to fidget.
“The sooner I’m settled into a new place, the sooner I can get out of your hair.”
Amalie set her cup down with a gentle click. “My dear, you are not ‘in my hair,’ but one should never hide away from the important things in life. Getting your house