rubbing me, and it felt good.”
“So it was like a gentle punishment?” I tease, because if she had gotten one like I did with Yara’s belt, she wouldn’t be sitting on her ass.
“It was not that gentle either.”
Petra keeps her eyes glued on me, like she’s waiting for some unparalleled wisdom to come from me. Extending the hand that’s holding the joint, I ask, “Do you wanna try it?” And then with a dash of naughtiness, I add, “Or do you need permission?”
She huffs at my comment. “You’re very funny.”
Knowing Ms. Van Gatt has never been into smoking, I keep it to myself, taking another inhale of smoke before asking, “What is your gut telling you?”
Petra doesn’t reply immediately. She seems to be on another planet as she thinks something through. “Well, I kinda liked it. It was so… intense and… different,” she mumbles, a dash of embarrassment in her tone. “I never expected something like that to happen between us. But what if he stops respecting me because I accept being punished in the future?”
Hmm… I take another puff on my joint, pondering her words, and then ask, “Did he kill that bear?”
“Um, no.”
“And Sebastian?”
“Not that I’m aware.”
“So Alex stood by your side even though he was looking forward to killing one.”
Petra creases her brows in confusion. “And?”
“And that means he does value your opinion and respect you a damn lot.” Since Petra keeps considering me, I add, “Look, you can grant him permission and see how it goes. If you enjoy the dynamics, keep going; if not, have a talk with him.” I take another puff, quite proud of my answer. It seems like a balanced one. Smoking a quality joint kinda helps though.
“That’s why I love talking to you.”
“Huh?” Her praise is a bit unexpected.
“Yeah, everyone else would’ve judged me, or called me names, but you’ve always been different.”
Her statement warms up my heart. And it’s in these moments that I remember why we are best friends. We’ve never judged each other’s lifestyles. After all, we have always been two freaks with our own issues. “Well, I’m the one and only Emma Hasenfratz.” We share a quick laugh, and, after pausing for a beat, I say, “Jokes aside, I just know life’s short. So don’t waste your time living a life you don’t want to. If this can bring you guys closer to each other, why not?”
“You’re the wisest person I know.” Petra leans forward and embraces me tightly, her head resting against mine. “Thank you for everything, Emma,” she says in a whisper.
“Always, babe.”
After she releases me, she lets out a sigh of relief, like a huge weight has just dropped off her shoulders. “Um, when are you leaving New York?” And suddenly the subject is closed.
“Next Sunday,” I tell her.
“Already?” Petra doesn’t hide her bewilderment.
“Yeah, some wild nights are waiting for me in the Mediterranean.”
“Oh, wow. And when are you coming back?”
Her question makes me tense up; I’ve got no idea. “Um, I don’t know.”
And her jaw drops instantly at my answer. “Really?”
Seeing the disappointment in her eyes, I come up with a quick solution. “You’re staying at Park Avenue during the week, right?”
“Yeah…” she mumbles, keeping it short. And although she’s never opened up about it, I know she’d rather live with her fiancé than with her dad.
“Well, I might pop over, and we can do something.”
“Deal.” Petra gives me another hug, and I can’t help inhaling her jasmine perfume. This time, tough, my heart tightens a bit. Despite the best friendship we could have, this will never feel like enough.
Chapter 15
Manhattan, September 14, 2020
Petra Van Gatt
I should be paying attention to Sarah’s fascinating debate with Matthew about the best movie ever made, but my mind has been replaying the sound of every swat landing on my bare bottom and the terrifying anxiety and chills I had anticipating every single one.
You’re such a good slut…
A shiver runs down my spine as I recall the insanity of the moment when he said those words. Everything about that night was hot, scary, and left me wanting it over and wanting more at the same time. Like a roller coaster—it’s frightening at first, we know we are gonna scream, but we do it anyway for the rush of adrenaline and excitement. Then I remember his expression once I turned around, and how his eyes were laced with disappointment, like he was regretful for what he’d just done. It reminds me of the night at his family estate