can manage it…” I reply before wrapping my arms around his neck as I finally manage to get him only to myself. He puts his hands on my waist, and we start swaying together to my favorite song. “We haven’t had one single minute to ourselves the entire evening.”
He gives me one of his charming smiles that makes my heart go wild. “Get ready, because that’s most likely how our wedding day will be.” And I can’t help but bite my bottom lip as I hear him speaking about our wedding.
“Do you mind if we get married on the fifth like I said to Julia? I had the idea at the very last minute,” I tell him. “But if you don’t like it…”
“It’s the perfect date,” he reassures me in a low voice. “Bishop De Korte is part of Sebastian’s family, and my mom knows him very well. I’m sure they can make it happen.”
“Great,” I reply before we lapse into silence as we revel in the dance and the beautiful music. But after a few more beats, curiosity takes over me, and I have to ask, “Um, I know it’s none of my business, but what did you and your mom speak about?”
Alex doesn’t reply immediately. I see him pondering his words before cautiously saying, “Just details about the wedding.”
As I observe the nervousness written all over his face, I can’t help but insist, “Are you sure?”
An awkward silence fills the space between us as we keep pace to the sound of the jazzy melody. “Yes, of course,” he replies, barely keeping his eyes on me.
But not even our dance and his irresistible smile are enough to reassure me. I know there is something troubling him. I can feel it. And I’ve got the feeling it has to do with my mom. “Is there anything you want to tell me?” I ask again, searching for his gaze.
When his blue eyes finally lock with mine again, I look for a hint of what he could possibly be hiding from me, but he presses his lips together before they land on my forehead. “Are you enjoying the evening?” His question is not what I was expecting, to say the least.
“Alex…” I mumble, bringing my mouth to his ear. “You know you can trust me.”
“I know…” He answers me with contemplative eyes, his lips curving up as he softly strokes my long hair. “You are so beautiful tonight.”
I swallow dryly at his words. His voice carries a heavy melancholia that doesn’t match the mood of our evening. “What’s going on?” I keep insisting. “Alex, tell me.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes, of course. But—”
“One day, I’ll tell you,” he interposes.
“When?”
“When the time is right.” And he seals these words with another kiss, this time on my head.
Secrets. I never thought they would become a thing between us. From the moment we got engaged, I had hoped we would be a couple with open, honest conversations, with no secrets, and no bullshit. But the truth is, I fucked up. I should’ve told him about my nightmare, and I didn’t. I didn’t confront him like Emma told me to, and I know I’m a coward for not doing so. But I’m scared of his reply. I’m scared as I ask him, “Are you gonna leave me?” Fuck! The question left my mouth without any warning!
An uncomfortable emptiness fills the space between us before he says, “Your mother is planning to come next week.”
“I don’t want to see her,” I snap back. “She’s nothing but trouble.”
A little chuckle escapes him before he nuzzles against my hair, reveling in it. “I know.”
Then, as I rest my head against his, I breathe slowly in and out to prevent tears, but one silently rolls down my cheek. After all, Alex didn’t answer my question.
After our dance, and while Emma seems to be in love with Yara’s chitchat, Alex and I decide it’s time to start saying goodbye to our guests. But before my dad leaves, I ask him to take a quick walk around the gardens with me. Taking my Dad by the arm, we stroll around the country yard, immersed in the tranquil night, lit only by the stars and moon above us. After some small talk, and once we’ve gotten far enough away from the crowd, I ask, “Do you remember when I was seven? I used to play here with Alex.”
“I do, yes,” Dad mumbles, keeping it short and formal.
With my mind already wandering as I recall