my mouth, because who the fuck am I kidding? I am in love with Olivia.
“She broke your heart, how?” She fires another question. “Can you remember when you fell in love with her?”
“When did it happen?” I look up at the sky and take a deep breath. “I don’t know. It could’ve been between the time I saw her in Tacoma, when I went to San Francisco, or during all those texts we exchanged. The time was never right for us. It’s like she’s leaving when I’m arriving, or she’s arriving just as I’m about to leave. Our lives don’t align, and she lives in a different state. Every time I tried to tell her to come with me, to be with me, she’d say, ‘In another life.’”
“She’s here,” Persy whispers and kisses my cheek. “She’s mad at you because her heart is broken. Gather the pieces and glue them together. I think I understand why you can’t fall in love with anyone. She’s your forever.”
No. Liv is my everything.
I go back inside. Holly is my only hope.
“How long is Liv going to be in Colorado?” I ask her.
“Leave her alone,” she orders.
“I would, but I can’t. Not until she listens to me and knows how I feel about her.”
Holly glares at me. “Liv needs someone who’ll be by her side. Not a guy who disappears all the time. She’s the rock of her family. She needs a guy to lean on, not someone who is in love with his best friend.”
“Who do you think was there for her when Otto had a heart attack or when Beatriz was diagnosed with cancer?” I ask her, appalled. “Misty made sense because, as my sisters said, sometimes I feel alone. Olivia can’t settle in one place. First it was Seattle, then, San Francisco. For the past few years, it was Boston. Today it’s Colorado. Tomorrow it might be London because the new branch isn’t working the way Otto wants. I don’t want to be the person who holds her back because she hasn’t found herself yet. I never want to be that person.”
Holly smiles. “She’s here for another three or four months. After that, it’s up to her.”
“Where can I find her?”
“If you know her well, you should know that finding her right now is not the answer. If you think you are who she needs, then you should know you’re at a point where words aren’t going to fix anything.”
She’s right. Radio silence aside, I’ve been putting this off for too long. Liv said it earlier, she is done being my fuck buddy. She wasn’t ever in the first place, but from the outside, that’s exactly what it looks like. This is the moment when I have to ask myself, is Olivia Evelyn Sierra the love of my life, or should I let her go?
The answer comes so easily. She’s more than love. She’s everything I always needed.
“Listen, I understand she needs time. I respect that, but I need an address, please.”
She looks at me. “Promise you won’t do anything stupid?”
“I swear.”
She scribbles something on a napkin and hands it over to me.
“Sorry for ruining the night,” I apologize to everyone and hand my credit card to Nate. “Dinner is on me. I have to go.”
Since I can’t find any place open that sells cronuts, I buy a half dozen cupcakes, a grilled cheese sandwich, and chicken noodle soup. I park in front of her house. It’s funny that she lives close to me. I leave the stuff in front of the door, knock, and leave.
Once I’m in my car, I text her.
Eros: I’m sorry for today.
I throw the phone in the console, start the car, and drive away. Five minutes later, I arrive home. Misty calls.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, can we talk?”
Honestly, I don’t want to talk to her. She has no idea what she did today. It probably wasn’t her. It was me. I’ve handled my life too loosely. My love life is a disaster—also my fault. My feelings toward Misty are an excuse to keep everyone away from me. Persy is right. Olivia is mine. I’ve been hers for a long time.
“I’m listening.”
“In person,” she clarifies.
I sigh. “It’s been a long-ass day. Can it wait?”
“No. Can I come and see you?”
“Why don’t we FaceTime?”
She mumbles something, and my phone rings, asking to FaceTime with Misty. I accept, and her face appears.
“You’ve been in this weird mood today. What’s happening?”
“Is this why you need to talk to me?”
She shakes her head.
She sighs.