he said, sounding agonized as she looked up at him in wonder, and all he wanted to do was keep her in his arms for the rest of time. So far, she hadn't said a word, and there were tears in her eyes now as she looked at him, tears of regret, and pain, and longing.
“I love you too, Joe… I wasn't sure what I was feeling… I think I knew it was wrong… I thought we could just be friends.” She looked both happy and devastated.
“Maybe we can be friends one day, but not now… not yet… We both belong here. I can't ask you to leave the convent. I'm not even sure what to do myself.” He was so troubled, so wracked with guilt, so anguished, that suddenly it made everything clearer to her, and she put her arms around him and held him there, her own strength drawing him still closer as she held him, and gave him all she had to give him.
“Just be quiet… we have to pray about it… shhh… it's all right, Joe, I love you.” She was the strong one now, and he was the one who desperately needed her. He felt all the power and the warmth and the love she felt for him, and without saying another word, he pulled her closer still and kissed her. It was a moment neither of them would ever forget, a moment when universes collided, and two lives were changed forever with a single breath.
“Oh, my God, Gabbie… I love you so much.” He was suddenly glad he had told her. After the agony of the past week, he had no regrets. He had never in his life felt as he did at this moment.
“I love you, too, Joe.” She sounded suddenly so grown up, so brave, and so sure. It was a risky thing they were doing, a still more dangerous game they would have to play. “What are we going to do now?” she asked him quietly, as he sat down next to her on the corner of the old desk.
“I don't know,” he said honestly. “We both need time to figure this out.” But they both knew that if they went too far, it would be impossible for them to continue their lives here. It was not too late yet, they could still turn back. They were Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the apple was untouched and they were still holding it in their hands, staring at it. But the temptation would grow greater very quickly, and if they moved too fast, they would destroy each others lives. It was an awesome responsibility as they looked at each other, and he drew her toward him and kissed her again. “Can we meet somewhere?” he asked after he kissed her. “Just for coffee, or a walk. Out in the real world, with real people. We need to be alone for a little while, just to talk about this.”
“I don't know,” she said, thinking. “I don't see how I can do that. Postulants normally never leave the convent.”
“I know, but you're different. You're like a daughter of the house, you've lived here all your life. Can't you get them to send you on an errand, or do something for someone? I'll meet you anywhere you want.”
“I'll think about it tonight.” She was trembling as he held her. Suddenly, in half an hour, her entire world had turned upside down. But she didn't want to resist it. She knew she could still turn back, but nothing could have made her do that. She wanted to be near him more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. For all these months, she had never known it, and with a sudden flash of understanding, she realized that Sister Anne had been right. And she said as much to him.
“Maybe she was smarter than we both were,” he said wisely. “I swear I never saw this coming.” But he had never been involved with a woman in his life, nor had Gabriella ever been close to any man. She had never dated, never flirted, never made friends with her fellow students at Columbia, let alone really talked to a man there. In her heart, in her life, in her behavior, ever since she was a child, she had always been a nun. And now, in the blink of an eye, all of that had changed. She was suddenly a woman, and very