to hear voices or something, and then finally I just knew that I never wanted to leave here. I belong here.” He nodded, understanding her perfectly. To both of them it seemed that this was the life they had been born for.
“You still have time to be sure,” he said gently, sounding like a priest again, and not just her friend, but she shook her head at his suggestion.
“I don't need time. I knew when I went to college that I never wanted to live in the world again. It's too hard for me. I don't know how to do it. I never went on dates, never wanted to meet men. I wouldn't have known what to say to them.” She grinned up at him, forgetting that he was one. “And I never, ever want to have children.” It was the only thing she said that struck him as odd, and she said it with such vehemence that it caught his attention.
“Why not?” he asked, curious about her reasons.
“I decided that when I was a little girl. I was always afraid I would turn out to be like my mother. What if it's part of me, and I did the kind of things she did?”
“That's silly, Sister Bernadette. You don't have to be cursed with the same demons that plagued your mother. A lot of people suffer through terrible childhoods, and go on to be extraordinary parents.”
“And if that doesn't turn out to be true, then what? You drop the kids off at the nearest convent and desert them? I wouldn't want to take that chance with someone else's life. I know what it's like to live through it.”
“It must have been terrible when she left you,” he said sadly, remembering the day he had found his mother. With a lifetime of prayer and service to God, he had never been able to forget it. She had been in the bathtub, with her wrists slashed. It had been the first and only time he'd ever seen her naked. She had nearly cut her hands off with his father's razor.
“It was,” Gabriella answered him soberly, “and a kind of relief too, once I understood that I was safe here. Mother Gregoria saved my life. She's been like a mother to me.”
“From what I've heard, she's very proud that you decided to stay and join the Order. You'll make a fine nun, Sister Bernie. You're a good person.” And he looked as though he believed it.
“Thank you, Father. So are you. It was nice talking to you,” she said, blushing slightly, her natural shyness slowly returning as they rejoined the others. For the past hour, as they talked, it had been as though no one else had been there.
“Take care of yourself, Sister,” he said gently as she smiled at him and walked away, and he wandered into the main building to gather up his things and go back to St. Stephen's. It had been a nice Sunday for him. He liked coming here and talking to the nuns. They were such an important part of the life he led, the spirit they all represented, and he had always admired the tireless work they did in the hospitals and schools, and in the missionary posts that were often so dangerous for them. He couldn't help wondering what Sister Bernadette was going to do eventually. It was easy to imagine her bringing great comfort to others, especially children. And he was still thinking of her when he left, after stopping to say good-bye to some of the older nuns he knew, and walked slowly back to St. Stephen's. By then, Gabriella was busy scrubbing the kitchen floor with two other postulants, and she never saw the look of hatred in Sister Anne's eyes as she walked by and glanced at her, just as she hadn't seen Mother Gregoria watching her stroll through the garden with the young priest an hour earlier. The Mother Superior had stood at her office window, watching them, a look of concern in her eyes as she saw Gabriella smile up at him. They both looked so young, and so innocent, and so striking together. There was something so similar about them.
Mother Gregoria had walked slowly back to her desk after she saw Gabriella walk away from him, and sat for a long time lost in thought, but she said nothing when she saw Gabriella that evening. She was so gentle and so loving, and so alive, and so