viewed each other now as good friends, in fact, are thought of him almost as a brother,
“Sister Emanuel is looking for some old ledgers that got misplaced. I thought someone might have stored them in here.” There was dust on her habit, and she looked lovelier than ever. It was hot and she looked a little disheveled. Going through the old boxes was dirty work. He stood very near to her, took the books she held from her hands and put them quietly on the desk.
“I've been thinking about you,” he said almost sadly. She wasn't sure what he meant by it, but there was nothing ominous about his manner or his words. “Too much,” he added, “after the other night.”
“Are you sorry you told me about Jimmy?” she asked softly, her voice was so gentle in the quiet room, it was almost a caress. He closed his eyes and shook his head, and without saying a word, he reached out and took her hand. It was a long time before he opened his eyes again. And Gabriella was still groping for the right words to offer him in comfort.
“Of course I'm not sorry, Gabbie. You're my friend. I've been thinking… about a lot of things… about you… about myself… about the lives that brought us here, the people who hurt us… the ones we loved and lost.” He had loved and lost more than she had. She wasn't sure she had ever known love before, not until she came here. “Our lives here mean a great deal to both of us, don't they?” He asked as though desperately seeking an answer to a question he couldn't bring himself to ask her.
“Of course they do. You know that.”
“I would never do anything to risk that, to jeopardize either of us… to spoil anything… that's not what I want.” She still had no idea what was on his mind. She had never been alone with a man before this moment.
“You haven't done anything to do that, Joe. We haven't done anything wrong.” She said it with such quiet certainty that it felt like a knife through his heart. And he confessed his sins to her now, as she had done to him so often.
“I have.”
“No, you haven't.” Not that she knew of anyway.
“I've been having dangerous thoughts.” It was the closest he could come to saying what was in his heart, and on his mind.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes and her soul wide open. She moved a little closer to him, without knowing it, but the magnet that was slowly drawing them toward each other was more powerful than anything either of them had ever been exposed to before that moment.
“I don't know how to tell you… what to say…” There were tears in his eyes as he looked at her, and she put a gentle hand on his face. It was the first time she had ever touched him like that, or any man. “I love you, Gabbie.” There was no way to hide it from her anymore, or from himself. “I don't know what to say to you, or what to do about it… I don't want to hurt you, or ruin your life. I want to be sure this is what you want, before I run away from here forever, or give up my job at St. Stephen's and go away. I'm going to ask the archbishop for a transfer.” He had been wrestling with the idea all morning.
“You can't do that.” She looked frightened as he said it. The thought of losing him terrified her far more than the rest of what he had just said. “You can't go away.” He was her friend now and she didn't want to lose him.
“I have to. I can't stay here, close to you like this. It's driving me crazy… Oh, Gabbie…” The words were lost as he pulled her close to him and she buried her face in his powerful chest, his arms held tightly around her. It was the strongest force she had ever felt in her entire life, the safest place she had ever been, even more so than the convent. “I love you so much… I want to be with you all the time… I want to talk to you… hold you… take care of you… I want to be with you forever… but how can we do this? I've been going crazy for the past four days. I love you so much,”