down across from me onto the floor. She looked around at the dozen dresses on the floor. “I see what you mean, but I think I know exactly what’s wrong.”
I blinked up at her, hoping she couldn’t see my watery eyes.
“Nerves,” she pronounced it like a doctor delivering a diagnosis. “Tod told me that your engagement is being announced tonight. Honestly, I was shocked. Did they warn you?”
I shook my head, not sure I trusted myself to speak.
“Things are moving more quickly than I expected,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll admit that I don’t quite understand this match. I didn’t even know people did things like this, but he assured me that you were on board.” She paused and met my eyes directly. “Kerrigan, you can tell me if you’re being forced to do this.”
I shot her a strained smile. “I did agree.” That wasn’t a lie, exactly. I’d known this was part of the arrangement, which made it easier to fudge the truth a little. “I suppose it’s all happening so fast. I thought I had a bit more time.”
“Listen, I know what happened,” she said in a lowered voice. “I know why you left, and I think you did the right thing for you, but it’s not too late to change your mind.”
That definitely was not part of my arrangement with Tod Belmond, but her words struck me as odd. Kerrigan’s father had admitted that she had run away from her duties. He’d assured me that she just needed more time, but what had scared her so badly in the first place?
And what happened if she didn’t come home?
What would they do? I’d promised a year. Nothing more. I’d even signed a contract. I was under no obligation to continue to be Kerrigan Belmond, but what would happen in a year if she hadn’t returned?
“I’m sorry.” Iris interrupted my thoughts. “I think I’m making this worse. I should—”
I reached out and grabbed her hand. Clutching it, I told the truth. “I’m scared about tonight—scared that I’ll mess everything up and disappoint...my father. I’m scared Caroline will be nastier than she was at lunch. But mostly, I’m just afraid of what happens next.”
“You’ll never disappoint him,” she promised softly. “I may not understand why your father is pushing through this marriage, but I know he loves you more than anything.”
“Not more than you!”
She laughed at this, smiling warmly. “Definitely more than me, and that’s okay, he should. A father should love his daughter more than anything in the world.”
I found myself wishing I knew that kind of love. I couldn’t admit that to her, so I returned her smile and forced myself to take a deep breath. “They’re going to have their work cut out for them making me pretty.”
My skin always got splotchy and red when I cried. I could only imagine how I looked now after a panic attack and a night without sleep.
“You’re going to look gorgeous,” Iris said firmly. “Now let’s figure out a dress.”
“I don’t have anything bridal,” I told her miserably.
She arched an eyebrow.
“Sorry, Caroline wanted me to wear ivory or white, remember? It feels like she wants to send a message,” I explained to her.
“That woman is a bit too opinionated for my taste,” Iris said in a voice that made it clear what she thought of Caroline Byrd. “You should wear what you want.”
“I have no idea what I want,” I admitted. None of this was mine. Yesterday, Giles had transformed me into Kerrigan. I’d spent the day feeling like I was in someone else’s skin. It hadn’t been what I expected. I hadn’t felt bad or even wrong, just not like myself. But not in a bad way.
“Well, none of these,” she decided. Standing, she reached down to offer a hand. I accepted it gratefully. Following at her heels she bypassed the neutral gowns I’d been looking and at went straight to a rack filled with bold shades of red.
“You’re going into battle, and clothes are your armor,” she advised me, sifting through the contents of the closet, one hanger at a time. “Your wit is your weapon. Wield both wisely.”
I stayed silent, considering her words, as she held up one dress followed by another until she finally held one to me and smiled widely.
“This one.”
She held it against me as I turned to study the mirror. It was nothing like what Caroline had suggested. I expected it would upset Spencer’s mother to have me wear it. But there