focused on the year etched into the panels. If she looked at the names, her heart would shatter in her chest. So many people. So many lives cut short.
When she found 1969, she glanced at her phone again, looking for the location of Glen’s name. She counted down fourteen rows and three names in. She never knew the man, had never even known he’d existed until a few nights before, but an ache tightened her chest and tears pricked at her eyes as she found his name forever cut in stone.
She read the words several times before looking over her shoulder. Ellen was holding Judith’s hand. The sisters stood motionless. Carol couldn’t imagine how this must be impacting them. Having lived during the height of the war, they were certainly haunted by the horrors of never knowing who might be called to die next.
Carol touched Glen’s name with her fingertips. “He’s here.”
Judith lowered her face as Ellen hugged her. Carol hesitated before leaving the etching to embrace her mom. Her mom wasn’t a hugger, but she clearly needed comfort at the moment. Carol enfolded her tightly, her mom’s tears soaking through the thin material covering Carol’s shoulder. She’d never seen her mother cry. Not really cry. Not even at her father’s funeral. Judith had held herself together like the pillar of strength she’d always told Carol a woman should be.
The moment didn’t last long. Judith took a deep breath through her nose, straightened her shoulders, and dabbed her eyes.
“Give me a moment, please,” she said weakly.
Ellen frowned. “Judy?”
“I need a minute,” Judith said.
Carol held her hand out to Ellen, who seemed hesitant to leave her sister. “We won’t be far, Mom.”
They stepped away, leaving Judith to do what she needed to do.
“I’m glad she told you about Glen,” Ellen said. “She was crazy about that boy.”
Carol smiled. “I wish she’d told me sooner.”
“She was ashamed. Not only of cheating on Dennis, even though she was young, but because she felt like she let Glen down by not choosing him.”
“If she loved him so much, why didn’t she?”
“She didn’t have the courage, kiddo. Times were vastly different by the time you fell for John. Disobeying your parents didn’t carry the same stigma for you as it did in our era. The Vietnam War changed a lot of things, including society. If she’d stayed with Glen, our parents would have disowned her. She would have been shamed. That would have broken her. She’s not strong like you.”
“She said that the other night. I don’t believe it. I’m sure she was scared, but she would have survived.”
“Of course she would have, darling, but things like that were more complicated back then. The movies make it sound nice, don’t they? Good girl and bad boy fall in love and triumph over social norms to live happily ever after. How did that work out for you?”
A shocked laugh rolled from Carol. “Ouch.”
“Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s true. Being with John was exciting and romantic until reality set in. Then everything was a disaster.”
“It would have been a disaster for your mother too. But in those days, if you got yourself in a mess, you stayed in that mess.”
Carol processed Ellen’s assessment for a minute. “Did she stay with Dad all those years because she didn’t believe in divorce?” Tugging her aunt’s arm to stop their stroll, Carol stared her down. “Aunt Ellen. Did Mom want to leave him?”
“I think she regretted that she married your father. I think she regretted not making her own life. But if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll convince her you’re insane and have you committed.”
Carol looked back to where her mother stood, staring at the wall. “I didn’t know she was so unhappy. Well…I knew. I guess I never considered why.” She frowned. “I always thought it was because I was such a disappointment to them.”
Ellen put her hand to Carol’s chin and turned her face back. “I don’t know how many times you have to hear this before it sinks in, but you were never a disappointment to your mother, Carol. Some choices you made were disappointing, yes, but that is worlds away from you being a disappointment. She is, and always has been, proud of you.”
She smiled at her aunt. “I’m starting to figure that out.”
“Good. Then I would say you have come a long way from where you were when you arrived in Florida.”
“We’ve both come a long way,” Carol said. “Thank you