loved him so much, you would have hired a divorce attorney for me,” she told her mother.
“So why didn’t you leave John?” Ellen asked.
Carol shrugged. “Because Katie loved her daddy. As much as I wanted to leave at times, I couldn’t tear her world apart.”
“Sometimes you have to put your children first,” Judith said.
Carol tilted her head, and Ellen shifted beside her. Something about what Judith said was deeper than a mere observation. Carol was certain there was another layer about to be peeled away, but Judith focused on reassembling her turkey sandwich and Ellen did that redirection thing she’d mastered long ago.
“So, tell us about Simon. He sounds intriguing.”
Carol debated pressing the issue with her mother but decided she’d had enough surprises in the last twelve hours. “Oh, he was.”
The two weeks since Katie’s death had left Caroline numb with shock. The prescription drugs had helped. But those were gone. Now the shock had started to fade, and the drugs were slowly leaving her system. Something else was taking hold of her.
The moment the mailman brought a package to the door, the last bit of the daze she’d been in cleared. Katie’s remains had arrived, and with them Caroline’s anger revealed itself. Anger that ran so deep Caroline was shaken by what she felt.
John had opened the box, pulled back the paper that protected the contents, and lifted out the silver urn. Caroline clenched her fists so hard her nails dug into her palms as he set the small container on the coffee table. The storm inside her started raging again.
She was torn between needing to break down and mourn for her daughter and ripping her husband to shreds for what he’d done to their little girl.
The fury she felt for John grasped her, a hatred so strong, she was questioning how long she could control it. She was going to hurt him. She was going to snap. She was going to kill him. The urge to shove a knife into his chest grew with every noise he made, every time he dared to cry as if he weren’t responsible for Katie’s death, every time he reached out to Caroline for comfort.
Her loathing was consuming her.
John choked out a sob as he lowered his face, and Caroline imagined wrapping her hands around his throat and squeezing. After he sniffled a few times, he ran his fingers over the engravement.
Kathryn Elizabeth Bowman
Born June 5, 1989
Died June 22, 1995
Seeing her beautiful girl’s name on the tiny urn broke through the hatred, and Caroline let go of the rage as the other emotions won out. Sadness overtook her, filled her, filled every bit of her and forced its way out. She didn’t want to cry in front of John, she didn’t want him getting the idea he could console her, but she couldn’t stop the sobs that rose in her chest and pushed their way out.
John didn’t try to comfort her, however. He didn’t touch her. He sat and brushed his fingers across Katie’s name over and over. “We should pack now,” he said. “We’ll leave in the morning. I have it all mapped out.”
She jerked her face to him. He was serious. All his ramblings about scattering Katie’s ashes… That wasn’t one of John’s big talks, one of his unkept promises. He really wanted to take all they had left of Katie and toss her to the wind.
Caroline tried to argue, to tell him he wasn’t going to throw Katie away, but the words stuck in her throat. He put the urn down and pushed himself up.
Once he was gone, Caroline looked at the urn, the little teddy bear carved into the surface and filled with pink dye. She wiped her face, but fresh tears replaced the old as she pictured Katie limp on a hospital bed. The horrific scene of finding her daughter lifeless played in her mind over and over until John carried two suitcases out of the bedroom and set them by the door.
“I packed your bag,” he said without looking at her. “Get some sleep, Caroline.”
She stared at the bags. One for him, one for her. There should have been one for Katie—a purple bag with pom-poms and glitter. That backpack was hanging on the back of Katie’s door with nothing inside—no clothes, no books or toys to keep her occupied on the vacation they’d planned but would never take.
Now John wanted to take the trip and leave Katie behind along the way. Like hell he would.