Though Judith didn’t call her daughter out on being ridiculous, her tone did.
“I know,” she murmured. “I could wait until spring if I wanted. There’s no rush. It’s only…” She smiled slightly. “This seems serendipitous somehow. Mary wants me to be with her when the year anniversary comes around. His family wants to be there for the ceremony to hand over the house. Maybe this is Tobias’s way of making sure that happens. Maybe…”
“Maybe you’re reading a whole lot into a coincidence.”
Carol grinned. “I do that a lot more these days. I try to see signs in everything. That started after John and I visited Yellowstone. This flock of birds flew up as we spread Katie’s ashes, and it felt like she was telling us she was okay. Ever since then, I find myself looking for hidden meanings in everything.”
The concern that filled her mother’s eyes was becoming as familiar as the frustration Carol had grown up seeing.
“I’m okay, Mom,” she insisted. “Stop looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. Please.”
“I fear you have, Carol.”
“I haven’t. I’m a little lost right now, but I’ll be okay.”
Judith was quiet for several moments. “Ellen said she talked to you about seeing a therapist.”
Carol sighed. “She did.”
“Have you considered it?”
Rather than drag out the debate, Carol took her mom’s hand. “I’ll look into. Later.”
“Later? You mean after you drive around the country leaving human remains in your wake?”
She couldn’t help but smile at her mother’s description of her plans. “Yeah. After that.”
“Carol—”
“Mom.” Her voice held a firm but gentle warning. “I don’t want to keep talking about this. I’m at peace with this. Katie and John are at peace with this. I know that in my heart. Maybe what I’m doing doesn’t make sense to you, but it does to me. Spreading their ashes is the right thing. You don’t have to agree with it, but please don’t try to tell me I’m wrong. I’ll never agree with that.”
“I don’t disagree. I can see why you’re doing what you’re doing. Today was hard, but knowing Katie got to be someplace she would have loved does make me happy. In some…odd way.”
Warmth, maybe even a touch of serenity, filled Carol’s heart. That was probably as close as her mother would ever get to understanding Carol’s need to spread Katie’s ashes. She gently squeezed Judith’s hand. “I know going back to that house is difficult. I had to take John back there. I had to look out at that yard. That day played over in my head, moment by moment. Like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.”
“That must have been horrible,” Judith said.
“I vomited,” Carol admitted with a scoff. “It’d been twenty-four years, but nothing had changed. John had updated the furniture, but everything was the same—even the photos on the wall. Walking into that house was so jarring, I ran to the kitchen and puked in the sink. But then I went to her room and…” Carol’s voice grew thick as tears filled her eyes. “I sat there and remembered tucking her into bed and kissing her good night. I swear I could hear her chattering away to her stuffed animals, making up stories for them like she used to.”
Carol closed her eyes as those memories washed over her again. Katie’s sweet voice swinging from high to low as she pretended to be a doll or a teddy bear. “Going back there wasn’t easy for me, Mom,” she said, dragging her mind from the past, “and it won’t be for you if you decide to go. But if I hadn’t gone, that place would still haunt me. I could never forget, but now, I can look at pictures of that place and see a home, a safe place for a family, instead of the terrible things that happened there. I can see how happy Katie would be if she knew what we were doing to honor her.”
“The last time I was there was…”
“Her sixth birthday,” Carol finished when her mother couldn’t seem to.
Judith snagged a tissue and dabbed at her nose. “Your dad and I gave her that little kitchen play set, remember?”
Another memory—a flash of Katie playing with the set—made Carol smile. “She loved that, Mom. She really did. She pretended to make pancakes for her teddy bear every day.”
“I remember. She was so happy.”
“Yes, she was.”
Judith stiffened. “And then you and John got into a fight at the party.”
Carol lowered her face. “You knew?”
“Everyone knew. The way he stormed inside,