RJ unbuckling his belt. I lift my gaze, eyes raking over six-pack abs, defined pecs, and heavy shoulders. I can’t seem to command myself to look away as he unbuttons his jeans and drags the zipper down.
In the weeks since he’s come back into my life, I’ve been hesitant to fully acknowledge the chemistry between us, to give it room to breathe, because once I do there’s no going back. But I can’t ignore the way my body heats up at the sight of him undressing in Kody’s bathroom.
“What’re you doing?” My voice is high, almost panicked.
He gives me a saucy grin. “You said I need a bath too.”
“But—”
He shoves his jeans down his thighs, and I look away, focusing on Kody in the bath and not how almost naked RJ is, or how close to me he is, or how long it’s been since I’ve had sex . . . the last time being the night—or rather morning—I conceived Kody.
RJ removes the showerhead and lets it hang, then steps over the edge of the tub and lowers himself in, one muscular leg on either side of Kody’s baby bathtub. The tub itself has less than three inches of sudsy water in it, and I’m both relieved and disappointed that RJ is still wearing boxer briefs.
I pass RJ a cloth and the baby wash. “Might as well do the honors, huh, Daddy?”
His grin grows wider as I stare in blatant appreciation at his mostly naked body taking up the vast majority of the tub. “If I wash Kody, does that mean you wash me?”
“I think you can take care of yourself just fine.” I have my doubts I’ll be able to keep things safely platonic if I help RJ out. I use the edge of the tub to pull myself up.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll be right back.”
I nab his pee-covered T-shirt and Kody’s dirty clothes and throw them in the wash. On the way back to the bathroom, I grab my phone from the living room and pad quietly down the hall. RJ is busy splashing around in the shallow water, making Kody smile and giggle, so I quickly take a bunch of pictures, thinking that these would all be perfect with the caption ovaries exploding.
I watch the muscles in his back flex as he zooms one of the bath toys around over Kody’s head. In the year since we’ve been together, he seems like he’s in even better shape, if that’s possible. My body has changed too—and it’s definitely not more defined or toned. I don’t want him to look at me differently, see me differently, although I’m aware he probably already does. I’m the mother of his child. We have a baby together. It changes everything. Which is part of the reason I’m holding on so hard to the things I know.
Also, the second I let him into my pants, I’ll inevitably let him back into my heart. With RJ, there isn’t one without the other.
I tune back in to their one-sided conversation. “You know what, little man? I think I’m making some progress with Mommy.”
Kody babbles and smacks the water, splashing him in the face.
“I know. It’s only been a couple of weeks, and I have a lot of work to do still . . . but dude, I gotta tell you, your mom’s a MILF—and if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll straight-up deny it. But God, she’s beautiful.”
Kody shrieks and kicks at the water.
“You’re handsome, no doubt about that, little man. Can I tell you something important?” Kody giggles when RJ tickles the bottoms of his feet. RJ smiles, then turns serious. “I think if it wasn’t for you, your mom wouldn’t be giving me a second chance. So thank you. I love you, buddy, and I’m hoping I get to say that to you every day for the rest of my life. Even when you’re a teenager and it embarrasses the shit out of you.”
My heart squeezes as I take in this giant of a man telling his son he loves him.
“You know who would have loved to meet you and your mom?”
Kody babbles, as if he’s answering his dad’s question.
“Your grandpa Steven James, my dad. You and me both have his dimple.” RJ touches his cheek and leans in to kiss Kody. “God, I miss him. He was such an awesome dad. We had the farm, and he was always so busy, but he still managed to make time to come