she cups my face in her hands. “I want to see you,” she murmurs, eyes soft and searching.
I meet her gaze, and my ego pretty much expands to fill the entire universe. Lainey’s eyes hold fascinated awe, like there’s nothing more enthralling than me in this moment. I come hard, eyes locked on her gorgeous face, wishing there were no end to this feeling.
I drop my forehead to hers, breathing hard. She kisses the corner of my mouth. “I would do that again and again and again just so I could see that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“Pure rapture.”
“That belongs to you and you alone.”
Orgasm drugged, we kiss until exhaustion creeps in. I remove the used condom, tie it off, and toss it near the fireplace. I pull the blankets over us, and Lainey curls into me.
I think about how I could get used to this—not just the sex, but her. And I wish I’d started this with the truth instead of a lie, because it’s too late to take it back . . . but I promise myself I’ll find a way to tell her before we leave Alaska. And I hope like hell it won’t ruin what we have here.
CHAPTER 10
THE FALL IN
Lainey
Having grown up on a farm, in a rural area, homeschooled, and with social anxiety doesn’t mean I never had a boyfriend. I did. Not a lot, but a few, and most of them were long term. Well, longish term.
Also, having four older brothers meant dating could be difficult—and often secretive. In addition to the secrecy came the challenge of finding opportunities for privacy. Even now, at twenty-five, I’ve never lived away from home for long. Because of the farm, none of my siblings have strayed very far from the hub of the family wheel. Everyone lives within a few miles of each other.
Sure, the house we all grew up in was big, with lots of places to sneak off to—barns are decent places to make out in, if you can get over the smell. And animals don’t generally rat you out—unless you happen to kick over a bucket and it lands in a cow stall, scaring the crap out of them.
Even with the challenges I faced in the dating world, I went out with a guy who had his own place for a while. That proved helpful in expanding my sexual repertoire and putting theory into practice; however, based on my most current experience, that guy wasn’t all that great in bed. Certainly not as giving, skilled, or well endowed as RJ.
Suffice it to say, I don’t put up a fight the next morning when RJ suggests we get the rest of my things and bring them back to his place. But first we have more sex. And then a shower, which leads to more sex. I can see how that particular location might be a little dangerous with someone who isn’t as strong or agile as RJ.
Being intimate with someone who is in such amazing physical condition is pretty fantastic. Not only can he pick me up and carry me around like I weigh as much as a bag of potatoes, he can also hold me up—with the help of the shower wall—and give me an orgasm. It’s extraordinary.
He’s rather extraordinary, really.
After last night there’s a shift between us. It feels like we’re connected in ways beyond intimacy.
We make a quick breakfast, get the rest of my personal effects from my crappy cabin, and return to his place. And yes, we have more sex. Actually, that’s pretty much all we do for the rest of the day. That and eat. I wander around in one of his button-down plaid shirts, and he wanders around in his boxer briefs—my request, obviously.
I’ve never had a fling before, and I’m aware that’s what this is. He lives in New York, and I live in Washington. He has to run an alpaca farm, and I have to finish my master’s and get a job, eventually—or start my PhD, whichever makes more sense.
So I try not to worry about what will happen when I go back home. Instead, for the first time in my life, I just let myself enjoy the time I have with RJ and hope that my heart can handle it. I also enjoy sex with him. A lot. So that helps too.
Days bleed into each other as RJ and I settle into a routine. We make meals together and go boating almost every day, and