and then climbed on to the bed to lie with her back to the wall.
ttt
Matilda was roused by the sound of Adeliza talking to her maids, and the waft of savoury food smells. Moments later, the bed curtains parted and Adeliza stood in the space between them with a tray bearing a bowl of broth, steam curling on its surface, a small crusty loaf, and a portion of saffron-glazed 67
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chicken. The maids bustled about, lighting candles and closing the shutters against a lavender spring dusk. As Matilda sat up, Adeliza set down the tray on the coffer. She had brought a folded napkin and a small fingerbowl of scented water.
“I am sorry to hear you are unwell,” Adeliza said softly.
“Did my father send you?” Matilda snapped.
Adeliza gave her a reproachful look. “Of course not. When I told him I was coming to speak with you and bring you food, he was exasperated with me.” She gave Matilda a woman-to-woman look. “He said you didn’t deserve to eat and that a spot of starvation would help put your mind in order, but he did not gainsay me when I insisted.”
Matilda glared at the beautifully arranged tray. “Indeed, I would rather starve,” she hissed. “And I’m not hungry.”
“I do not believe that!” Adeliza remonstrated. “You have a good appetite and you will need your strength.” Matilda continued to scowl. She truly did not feel like eating, but it was another way of defying her father since he had not wanted Adeliza to bring her food. “You are right, I suppose I will,” she said and reached for the bread.
Adeliza poured wine for both of them and sat down at the bedside. “Ask yourself what good this is doing you. Where will you go from here if you defy your father?” Matilda tore the bread into small pieces. “You agree with him then.” She gave Adeliza a bitter look. “You are taking his part like everyone else?”
Adeliza shook her head. “I am concerned for both of you.
I know how difficult this is for you. You have lost a good husband and your position at the heart of the imperial court.
But you must look to the future and think about the long term.
Here, drink and be consoled.”
Matilda thrust away the wine, making it slop over the edge of the cup. “You think I will find consolation in wine? Is that 68
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what I should do?” She laughed scornfully. “Drink myself into oblivion?”
Adeliza mopped up the spillage with her napkin and gazed sorrowfully at the red stain. “I think you will find consolation in the Church, and in your children in the fullness of time.”
“I may find strength in God, but no comfort, and certainly no consolation from men of God,” Matilda spat and felt both triumphant and guilty as her young stepmother recoiled. “As to children—I had no such consolation from my marriage with Heinrich, and neither have you with my father. Why should I put my faith in the solace of being a mother?” Her voice strained and almost cracked. “I bore Heinrich a child, and buried him on the same day.”
“I’m sorry.” Distress filled Adeliza’s gaze. She reached out to Matilda in sympathy, but Matilda drew back. Adeliza lowered her arm and smoothed the bedclothes instead until there was no sign of a crease. She said hesitantly, “Perhaps a man only has so much good seed in his body. A younger one…” Her cheeks reddened. “I am not being disloyal to your first husband or your father, but I say to you as one woman to another that your womb may more easily quicken this time.” Matilda gave Adeliza a long look. “Would you change places with me?”
Adeliza’s blush brightened her entire face. “I would think on my duty to those who desired me to make the match. I would think on the good things that might come of it. That I might bear children and grow to love a young husband as he became a man. The difference in age between us would soon close up and matter less.” She set her lips. “You learn to live with what you cannot alter and find ways to thank God for what you do have. In truth, what are your alternatives? Your father will not change his mind once it is set. If you refuse, he will make one of his Blois nephews his heir and consign you to a convent.
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