who pushed me further away now.
He smiled up at me, his eyes that rich, cobalt blue, the darkest true blue I'd ever seen in anyone's eyes. The eyes first, and then the black curls spilling around that glistening, beautiful upper body; the small cross-shaped burn scar on his chest was a slickness under my fingertips when I touched him. The moment I remembered the physical sensation of it that clearly, I was closer in, like doing a close-up with a camera.
He pushed me back harder this time, and he wasn't smiling as he gazed at me. I knew he saw me in the shadowed alley, as I saw him in his elegant office. "You said you would trust me."
"I do trust you," I said.
"But still you push; still you test your boundaries."
I shrugged. "Sorry, didn't really mean to."
"You didn't, and you did, ma petite."
I shrugged again. "Can't blame a girl for trying."
"Yes, yes I can," he said. "Je t'aime, ma petite."
"I love you, too, Jean-Claude," I said.
He closed down the link between us, shut his metaphysical door hard and tight. He'd thought of something, and if I pushed, he might have told me, but I'd learned that when Jean-Claude told me I didn't want to know something, he was usually right. Ignorance isn't bliss, but neither is knowledge. Sometimes you just know more, but it doesn't make you any happier.
I heard someone behind me, and turned to find Zerbrowski in the mouth of the alley. "He see it on the news?"
"What?" I asked.
"The bodies," he said.
I blinked at him, trying to bring myself solidly back into my own head, my own body. I pressed my fingertips against the cold, rough brick, and it helped.
"You okay?" he asked.
I nodded. "Sure."
"I called Katie, too," he said.
"She saw it on the news," I said.
"No, but the kids did."
I gave him a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry, Zerbrowski, that must be hard."
"The news is showing all the bodies with sheets and shit over it, and they said that two officers had been killed, but they never release the names until the families are notified, which is great, but it's hell on everyone else's families," he said.
I thought about it, but most of my "boyfriends" could feel me alive, or they'd feel if I died, just as I'd feel it if they died. But I was shielding like a son of a bitch to keep them out of my head. I'd made it clear that all of them were supposed to stay out of my head while I was working a crime scene. I did my best to make sure that ongoing investigations weren't shared with any of them. It took real work to stay separate enough to keep secrets from each other, but I had to do it, not just to keep the police work confidential, but because they didn't need to see the horrors I saw on the job. I didn't want, or need, to share that part of my job. Sometimes when I had nightmares, they got glimpses of it if we were sleeping next to each other. When I was working on a really violent case, some of my lovers started sleeping elsewhere. I didn't really blame them, though I found that I did take brownie points away from the ones who hid. I preferred the people in my life who could take all of me, not just parts.
Did I need to call home? Probably. Shit.
"What's that look on your face?" Zerbrowski said.
"I let Jean-Claude know, but I didn't tell him to tell the others."
"Won't he do that automatically?"
"Not necessarily; the older vampires aren't always big for sharing information."
"We need you to come talk to these vampires right now, but if you want to call one of your other guys, make it quick."
"Thanks, Zerbrowski," I said.
"Yeah, might want to call the boyfriend most likely to tell everyone else next time."
"That'd be Micah," I said, and was already fishing for my phone.
"Say hi to Mr. Callahan for me."
"Will do," I said, and had my phone out.
"You didn't have your phone out before," Zerbrowski said.
I looked at the phone in my hand as if it had just appeared there. I realized in the dimness he'd assumed I was talking on it already. If I'd thought, I could have hidden the fact that I wasn't using a phone the first time.
He shook his head, waved a hand. "I don't want to know, because if I actually knew for sure you could talk to Jean-Claude without