Cosmo's arms, but everything was so disconnected and I couldn't sort out how the pieces of myself fit together.
"She was your best ally," Cosmo said.
"I was political when I should've been—"
"Bryony, when the dowager queen arrived at the Winter Palace, it was obvious the two of you weren't…close," Cosmo said, leaning back and wincing.
The last time I'd seen her, she called me a mutation, I thought vaguely.
"I can honestly say that I am so glad that your relationship improved. Not just for the sake of a crown, but for you." Cosmo kissed my cheek for a long pause. "You're not unfeeling, little muse. Any one of us could tell you that. She would've told you that."
"You can grieve your ally and your grandmother, darling girl," Aric said, brow furrowed. "There's no organizing these kinds of feelings into the right order. Wendell is right. You need to eat and rest tonight."
"But—"
Aric's lips pressed flat, and as he moved forward, so did the others until I was surrounded by them. "Grief is chaos, princess. One day, not long after Charlotte died, I was so angry with her, I couldn't shake it. She should've known better than to let herself get so sick. She was half of what made me the king I was, more than half of what made me the man I was at that time. I was furious and ashamed of myself, but the more I fought my anger, the stronger it grew. Half of mourning is sitting with your own ugly feelings and letting them pass."
"He's right, I went through the same with my mother when she passed," Daniel said, catching my eye. "And you should always remember that none of us here would ever judge you."
Aric's lips twitched, and I glanced at Cosmo, his answering smile tight. "Not for this, certainly," he said.
I closed my eyes and tried to let go of the eerie floating feeling I couldn't shake, of the echo in my head and odd numb turning of my thoughts. And when that didn't work, I simply opened my eyes and accepted that I would have to carry on with them.
"Someone get me out of this dress," I said, and I leaned into my men as they closed in closer, holding me up.
13
Wendell
“I am sick to death of this," Thao groaned, glaring at himself in the mirror.
I huffed and glanced around the room to make sure Bryony wasn't here to hear him.
"It's been two weeks, and there hasn't even been a funeral yet," Thao hissed, buttoning up the black vest over his black shirt and trousers.
"There has to be time to allow dignitaries' arrivals," I said, pausing at the sound of girlish laughter from the next room. I caught Thao's smile in the mirror. "Thank stars for them."
Thao nodded, moving to the side as Cosmo joined us in dressing. "I didn't see the need for Bryony to take ladies, but now…"
"It's good for her to have friends," Cosmo finished for him, smiling at me. "Where are the others?"
"Owen and Cress are with Bryony," I answered. "Daniel's gone to check on Lily on Bry's request. Aric's snooping, I think."
"You're looking very formal," Cosmo said, eyeing me up and down, leaning into Thao's side.
I pulled the note from my pocket. "The council is meeting today. Weston wrote me."
"In the mourning period?" Cosmo asked, eyes widening.
I nodded. "I haven't told Bryony yet, I only got the note at breakfast and I…"
"Don't. She's…peaceful this week," Thao said, and I nodded.
Aric had told Bryony that grief was chaos, and she'd seemed to take that to heart for the first days after her grandmother had died, vacillating wildly between a quiet depression and an almost manic energy to act or do something. It didn't help that the early half of the mourning period dictated a certain stagnancy that Bryony was disinclined to.
Aric and Thao had accepted the brunt of Bryony's impatience and ire, but sometimes the shots bounced too easily off of them. After one snappish remark had left a stunned Owen pale and silent, Bryony had burst into a fit of weeping and locked herself in her private sitting room until hours later and with no apparent prompting, Morgan Weston had appeared.
"We are playing chess," Morgan had said to our princess, just shy of an order, and then she'd snapped the door shut on our stares.
There was another burst of giggles from the sitting room, one of them distinctly Bryony's, and I checked my appearance in the mirror one last time.
I