his life. The question of whether or not I could've made a better choice than to kill him. I tried to not to weigh it out in my head, afraid that one day I'd realize I did the wrong thing.
"I can't fix that for you now," Cresswell said, distracting me with a long touch from my forehead down to the tip of my nose. "And you can't either. You just have to walk alongside it."
I blinked and frowned. "You mean I can't leave it behind me in the past?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. I'm not saying that because you killed a man once, you will make the choice the same way every time. But it's there now. And maybe it will help you make a different choice someday."
I sighed and sank back down onto Cresswell's chest, listening to that steady drum beneath my ear, enjoying the careful tug of his fingers through my hair.
"You need to speak with the others," Cresswell said.
I nodded and added, "And then the maid."
"Do you think she was from your sister?"
"Actually, I… Not directly, no. I didn't recognize the woman and—"
Cress finished the thought for me. "Her uniform wasn't right. Are you sure you really want to be taking on ladies-in-waiting?"
"I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't think they'd be good choices," I said, thinking of Nora and Morgan. "They'll make communicating with allies easier, and choosing any reassures my mother that I'm being…normal, I suppose."
I did want to see the others, and I was eager to find out what Aric and Daniel and the guards had learned from the maid. And yet, I remained against Cresswell, soothed by the beat of his heart, by the warm color he had on his cheeks again, by this soft and paused moment in the midst of so much chaos.
"The others will be worried. We shouldn't fall asleep," Cresswell murmured.
He was right, and I hated to think of Cosmo pacing or Thao picking irritably at the others as he waited. I sighed, and Cresswell rolled us, pausing above me as he helped himself to a long and thorough look at me.
"What are you thinking of?" I asked, fairly certain I already knew the answer.
"Having you again." His voice was low, head bowing to brush a kiss over my forehead. "And again. And again. Hoarding you to myself in that massive bed as the others have to sit and watch."
I was about to laugh at the idea of any of my Chosen being able to stay out of the bed, but Cress's head dipped, full lips stealing my breath again. He kissed me in his perfectly thorough and patient way until the Hunger was simmering again, my arms circling to hold him closer, pull him back into me.
"But not now," Cresswell said, pulling away too easily. He laughed at my growl and skirted out of my reach as I sat up, kicking his pants up from the floor and dressing quickly.
My thighs were messy, and our release slipped out of me as I stood. There was nowhere to wash in the small bedroom, and I frowned at my dress on the floor. It was more formal than I really liked to wear, and Cress had thoroughly torn the laces free.
"Here," he said, tugging the blue velvet from the bed and holding it up in front of me.
"A blanket?" I laughed. "And a dirty one?"
"You're magical aren't you?" Cresswell asked, arching an eyebrow.
I hadn't ever intentionally made myself clothing, although new things did seem to appear and old ones vanished, so we'd suspected the Hunger made a game of my wardrobe. I sighed and closed my eyes, reaching for the velvet. I'd kept the magic I'd made with Cress more easily than I did with Owen or Cosmo or Daniel, as if he'd had a slightly resistant shell around him. It flooded my hands quickly now, rushing into the velvet, a stirring and weighty sensation. When it grew heavier in my grip, I opened my eyes and found a gown, dressed with delicate gold threads of embroidery.
Cresswell took it from me, lifting it over my head, and I sighed as it sank over my shoulders like warm water. The sleeves were loose, the skirt vast and covered in strange scenes of bears with antlers chasing tigers on their hind legs holding bows and arrows, everything dressed with stars and flowers. It was eerie and beautiful, and the longer I looked down at the images, the more it felt as though