hurt. Her inner self felt shattered, and acknowledging that felt like a betrayal of everything she’d ever believed.
It had been two weeks since she’d left him at the foot of the mountain. Time needed to hurry up and live up to its reputation of being a healer.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Tara asked.
India folded her mother’s T-shirt with more force than was strictly necessary, when what she really wanted to do was crawl into her mother’s lap and cry until she couldn’t breathe.
“I spoke with Dr. Ung this morning and your viral counts are down. So it’s actually really good news.”
Before her mother could catch her eye, India put away Tara’s folded laundry and tried to slip out of the room, because, darn it, a wave of nausea was washing through her again. Something that happened each time a Yash-related memory flashed through her—his scent, the warm pressure of his touch, the gravel in his voice.
Right now the feel of soft stretchy cotton in her hands was bringing it all back.
God, why had she kissed him? Why? Now she was stuck with reliving what that felt like. She got to feel him trembling when her fingers traced his scars. The worry that he may not get help for all the trauma he’d buried wouldn’t leave her alone.
“India,” her mother called after her. “Sweetheart, stay and talk to me. Just for a moment.”
She turned. “Is something hurting? Do you need pain meds? Is it nausea? Try to stay in bed. Should I make you tea? Tea will help.” Stop babbling. Mom is going to see how you’re feeling if you don’t stop babbling.
Fortunately her phone beeped with a text. Her heart pounded even though she knew it wouldn’t be Yash. She’d taken his phone from him and deleted her number.
Her profile picture on his phone had been a bowl of overnight oats. Which was the most heartbreakingly sweet thing she’d ever seen. Also she could no longer eat oats, because, yes, it hurt too much.
“Do you really think I don’t have your number memorized?” he’d asked, those stubborn eyes refusing to look away as they started down the mountain, trying not to touch on the narrow trail. Then her feet had started to bleed again and he wouldn’t budge until she climbed on his back and let him carry her piggyback.
“I get to help you too. You need to accept help too. Not just give it. You tell me I need to control everything, but by never letting yourself need anyone, you’re controlling everything too.”
If he was right, she should never have climbed on, because now she controlled exactly nothing. Holding him with her entire body had been the last thing she should have done. He was concerned about having memorized her number? Her body had memorized every detail of his body, her heart was already way ahead in that contest.
“When you decide to send me a text or call me, in the time that it takes you to type my number into your phone I want you to talk yourself out of it.”
“I don’t want to do this without you. I don’t want to live a lie.” Then he’d looked at her in that way he had. His Promise Eyes. “If you trust me, if you give me a chance, I will find a way for us to be together. I swear.”
“Stop it. Stop making this harder than it is.”
But when he’d leaned into her and kissed her one last time against China’s car before she drove off, she’d had not one single defense.
She was human. She was giving him up. She deserved one last kiss.
You deserve all of him. You deserve to be happy.
“Who’s that?” Tara asked, snapping her out of her trance.
She checked her phone. “It’s China. She’s been texting me silly things that are happening in the movie she’s watching with Brandy.” At least China was being kinder to Brandy, who’d been bringing her DVDs of Laurel & Hardy comedies that were not on any of the streaming services. They were probably the only two millennials in all the world who enjoyed black-and-white comedies.
“I think China’s going to be okay.”
At first China had barely left her room, and India had sat with her between her brutal schedule of classes and clients as China cried wordlessly. Because sometimes there were no words to ease the pain. Then last week China had come down to the studio and started to help Ellie with the front desk