class. I can’t—”
His hand cupped her cheek, and she gasped.
His thumb pressed against her lips. Her mouth was soft, softer than anything he’d ever experienced. Her lips yielded against his touch. They trembled against his skin. Trembled. The air around them trembled.
“I can’t do this, Yash.” But even as he pulled away she leaned into his hand, clinging as it left her, swaying into him, a wave of longing rolling from her into him.
“I’m sorry. I should not have come.”
“You should not have.”
“What if I said I need it? I need to come to you.”
Worry broke across her face. “Are you having panic attacks again?”
Only at the thought of not seeing you. “No.”
“I won’t do this, Yash. I don’t even know what this is.”
He knew what it was. He knew. He’d always known. Even at twenty-eight when he’d first touched her, when she’d melted in his arms, when he’d tasted joy and utter and complete connection with another human being for the first and only time in his life, when sparks had exploded where he had touched her, when she’d told him her hopes and dreams and heartbreaks. He’d known.
“You do know what this is. It’s . . . it’s magic.”
A sound of such frustration left her, he wished he hadn’t said the words.
But he’d said them, and she wasn’t someone who’d back away from that. “So what? So what if it is magic? It’s not like this is the first time we’re experiencing it. That night at Nisha’s wedding”—a million memories swam in her eyes—“this magic was there then. What good did it do? You chose something else over it. You tried to control it by walking away from it.” Her voice softened. “Don’t you see, it doesn’t matter that it’s still here. You’ve made it impossible for the universe to give it to us.”
“How do you do that? How do you see what it takes me so much longer to see?”
Her smile was the saddest thing. “It’s an occupational hazard.” Then she sobered again. “Trusting the universe is not code for compromise. It’s the opposite of not doing your part. It’s recognizing which part is yours to do.”
He’d always thought he was good at doing his part. How wrong he’d been. “I never meant for it to turn out this way,” he said, but she didn’t look up at him, her gaze was fixed on her hands. Her chest rose and fell with her breaths. “When I asked you to wait, I never meant to—”
“There was nothing to wait for.” This time she did look up, anger flashed in the dark centers of her eyes.
It wasn’t like she’d called him either. “Why did you never call me? Why didn’t you do your part? Why don’t you ever fight for what you want?”
She shoved him. And, man, he knew she was strong, but he literally had to put all his strength into not flying across the room. “Are you seriously asking me why I didn’t call you?”
“Ow. What happened to your peace and nonviolence thing?” he rubbed his chest.
She took a steadying breath and stuck one finger up in his face. “First, it’s not a thing. It’s who I am. I don’t like to hurt anyone. It feels like shit. So, I’m sorry.”
“India . . .”
“No. Don’t. Don’t, Yash. What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this? I’ll answer your question. I didn’t call you because you were with someone else and you never told me.”
“I was not with someone else when we met. I was not with Naina when we had that night.”
“Stop it. Stop with the loopholes and technicalities. Stop trying to Yudishtir this. The week after we met you were with her. How could you not have been with her when we met? You played with me, Yash. You hurt me. I didn’t believe other men after that. You talk about magic? You took away my faith in magic.”
“I’m sorry.” He knew the words changed nothing now, but he had to say them.
She met his gaze, letting him see how little his apology meant, letting him see it all. “How can you talk to me about not fighting for what I want? Did you really want me to come to you, come after you, when you professed your love for someone else days after we met?”
“It wasn’t like that. We were just . . . just spoken-for.”
“What does that even mean? You announced to the whole world that you’re with her.”
“Not the whole world.