barely even talk in school, ever, and then all of a sudden you were flipping out on Brody over a book.”
“Wait a second. You wanted to date me because I went on an angry feminist rant in front of the entire class?”
“God, yes. It was so kick-ass. It confirmed what I was already starting to guess about you.”
“Which was what?”
“That you are brave, Barnes. I like being surprised by people, and you definitely surprised me.”
“Yeah, I’ve got lots of fun surprises,” I say. “Am I more than you bargained for yet?”
I ask like it’s a joke. But I’ve wondered about this for real. There’s no way he would have consciously chosen to be with me if he’d known everything. It’s too much for anyone. Even me.
“Leighton, if you think that asshole is gonna scare me away from loving you, you are bat-shit crazy.”
I laugh in spite of myself. It isn’t supposed to be funny.
But I’m learning to steal my joy wherever I can find it.
Chapter Sixty-One
THE DAY BEFORE WINTER BREAK, Mrs. Riley calls me out of art class to come to the newsroom. She smiles when I walk in, but immediately gestures for me to close the door behind me, and I’m nervous before she even starts talking.
“So here’s the situation,” she dives in without preamble. “The council is choosing your essay.”
“What, that’s—” Huge. Amazing. That’s five thousand dollars. That’s a big pebble.
“Wait.” Mrs. Riley holds up her hand. “It’s not that simple. They’re giving you the scholarship, but they’re refusing to print your essay in the Auburn Gazette.”
I sit down in the chair in front of her desk.
“But why would they do that?”
“They seem to really believe you deserve the scholarship money. They were impressed by the essay and the topic. So was I, by the way, when they forwarded me a copy, Leighton. But they don’t want to print it. They called it a liability.”
“A liability for who?”
“Well, they implied that printing it could be dangerous to you . . . your family. But, Leighton, we both know it’s a liability for the town, too.”
I look out the window and find Joe sitting right outside, not five feet away. One big black eye is fixed on me, like he knows. Like he’s waiting to see what I do. He shuffles on the window ledge, plucks at the gray plumage on his side.
His beak opens, but the wind carries the sound. He’s yelling, but no one can hear.
He might as well be silent.
I turn back to Mrs. Riley.
“Tell them to publish it anonymously.”
She leans back in her chair. “I don’t know . . .”
“Then it’s not a liability to me. Only to them. And if they still refuse, at least we know it wasn’t just about protecting me. At least then I tried everything.”
“But this is yours, Leighton, you deserve the credit for it.”
“I’ll . . . I don’t know, I’ll send it to the rest of my college applications. I’ll see if NYU will let me submit an updated personal essay. I’ll use it in another way. I still think it should get published without my name here. I wrote it for Auburn.”
“Okay, I’ll ask them,” she says.
“Thank you.”
When I turn back to the window, Joe is gone.
Chapter Sixty-Two
WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THIS house.
And our father’s father lived here before us.
And before that? I guess it was just timber and nails. Nothing evil, I don’t think.
My father’s father wasn’t evil, either.
But he also wasn’t good.
And maybe when he built this house, he corrupted it.
Maybe all the things we create have some piece of us, something we impart, or something we just leave behind. And perhaps if my grandfather was so angry, then maybe he left it here. Built it right into the foundation and the walls, the practiced hammering of nails. Maybe he built it into this whole damn town.
Magic, Campbell called it once—but maybe she’s closer to the truth now with her haunted house books.
Whatever it is, I used to wish it were here for us. So we could believe that there was something more potent in this home than fear—maybe even something watching over us. But I was wrong.
It’s always been protecting him.
I wonder what that would feel like, to behave however you’d like, and wake up day after day never having to face the consequences of it. I think it would make you feel like maybe you never did anything wrong at all.
Like maybe it’s not so bad if you do it again.
Chapter Sixty-Three
THE