should,” Mom says. “It’s just hard since Nana is so far now, and without Grandpa. He was one of our primary apple pie eaters, you know.”
“Well, it’s still an Apple Day,” Juniper says.
“It is?” Mom asks.
“Yeah,” Juniper says. “The Big Apple!”
And just like that, she makes us all laugh, even Campbell.
On the ride to New York, I sit with Mom. She opens her purse and pulls out a worn copy of Pride and Prejudice. It’s her favorite book, and I couldn’t even finish reading it.
I should try again.
“Mom, um, how can we afford this? I know money’s been tight lately. I don’t need this,” I ask, my voice low so the girls won’t overhear in the seats in front of us.
“Tip money,” Mom says.
But that still isn’t right, because he keeps everything she earns.
He tracks the money.
“Cash tips,” she adds. “I just set some aside. We needed something special after all the penny-pinching.”
So she hid the money. He’s away on a construction job, so I wonder if he even knows about this at all. We can’t hide it; Juniper will slip up.
“Leighton, stop. You are thinking too hard. This is fine. I can take my daughters on a little trip.”
There is more to that sentence. She just couldn’t say it out loud.
I can take my daughters on a little trip without asking permission.
But this is a morning to let it go. And when I see the city skyline, I stop caring about our secrets and their consequences.
We begin with a scheduled tour of NYU. We ride in a taxi, to the complete delight of Juniper. Then we visit the Met.
On our way into Central Park we grab some hot dogs and fruit to eat.
It is every single cliché I can think of, and it is perfect.
Mom and Campbell and Juniper make it perfect.
I start to feel a sense of loss even though it’s nearly a year away. The idea of being away from them is terrifying. Especially if I won’t know if they’re safe.
I sit on a park bench with Campbell, and she offers me one of the apples we bought. Mom and Juniper are collecting Juniper’s favorite bright leaves out of the fall foliage. I bite into the apple and gag, spitting the bite back out. It looked shiny and red on the outside, but it must have been dropped a lot, because the inside is bruised and soft.
“Ew, yuck,” Campbell says, grabbing my apple and her own and throwing them into a garbage bin. “We’ll find another apple treat later.”
We stay in the park for a while longer. The day is cold, but the sun is warm, and it’s peaceful here. I tilt my face up to the light, and catch a glimpse of black in the corner of my vision. High up in an oak tree, there are three crows perched on a branch.
They are high enough that I can’t be certain.
And of course it isn’t true, this far away from Auburn.
But then they rustle their feathers, one after the other, and I’m more sure of it.
One of the crows is gray.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“AUBURN WOLVES CAN’T BE BEATEN.”
The Auburn Gazette’s headlines haven’t been this positive in a long time. Sofia is entirely caught up in covering the team lately, in this rare moment when sports are genuinely as newsworthy as this town always wants them to be. She asked if she could interview my father about the Wolves’ last winning streak, and I’ve been pushing the interview back with one soft excuse after another. Tonight they played their last regular-season game—another win. An undefeated season, for the first time in almost two decades.
This time when I decide to go to the game, I join Liam’s family. It’s perfect timing, actually, because Mom is taking the girls to sleep over at Nana’s apartment so Juniper can complete her Auburn history assignment. The ride to the away game is quiet. As soon as I get in, Fiona hands me one of her earbuds, and she plays music for us the entire ride.
But the ride home is different, because it’s a win, and Liam had a great game.
I’m still quiet, but I notice some things from the backseat.
I notice how Liam’s dad has a version of loud that isn’t angry.
I notice how he drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting in between the seats, holding his wife’s hand. It almost looks unintentional, like their hands come together automatically when they sit beside each other.
I realize that