so it’s level with Brody’s face.
“Think fast!” he yells, shooting his arms out but releasing the ball as he does it, catching it with his forearms.
Brody throws his body backward before he realizes Liam never threw the ball, and the other guys laugh at him.
“Just leave her the fuck alone, Brody.”
Liam and I leave, grabbing our things and hurrying out into the cold. The car ride to my house is silent, but it’s the loudest kind—where every breath and turn-signal click and scratch of gravel under a tire is a reminder of the fact that we haven’t said a single word to each other. I’m embarrassed by what I did. I never respond to people like that. And I didn’t think I had that kind of violence in me. I wasn’t even angry in the moment. I just reacted on fear, or instinct.
Liam parks just before Mrs. Stieg’s house, because I asked him to. He’s the kind of guy who would insist on walking me to my door every night, if my door were the kind where that would be okay. My dad knows I have a boyfriend, but hardly any other details. I’m trying desperately to keep those worlds from colliding.
“I’m not like him,” I say. My voice is tight with the threat of tears.
“Like Brody? God, I know.”
“No, like him.” I shrug toward my house.
A few beats of silence pass between us.
“I know that, too,” he says, softer this time. “Brody’s always been an asshole to you. Part of me is surprised you didn’t throw something at him sooner.”
I laugh through the tears now falling down my face.
“I have detention.”
“Yeah. It’s okay. You are long overdue for some rebellion, Leighton.”
A few more beats in the quiet car. Leave it to Liam to have me laughing not twenty minutes after that whole thing.
“You really won’t take the phone?” he asks.
I turn to him in the dark, and I can see just the outline of his face, stark against the porch light on at Mrs. Stieg’s house behind him. I don’t want to tell him no again, but it’s the only answer I have.
“It’s dangerous, Liam. The last thing was over towels, and I’m not taking unnecessary risks with my mom and sisters there.”
“Just unnecessary risks for yourself, then.”
“Liam . . .”
He sighs and runs his hand over the top of his head. “I’m sorry. I’m being an ass. I’ll get over it by tomorrow.”
“You’re not an ass. It’s a really nice gesture.”
He laughs without a trace of humor.
“I hate that you don’t feel safe, Leighton.”
“Me too, Liam. I’m working on a plan. I promise.” I kiss him goodbye and climb out of the car. Liam always waits until I get into the house before driving away. It’s such a weird protective quirk when we both know I’m probably better off outside.
I stand in the front yard a moment longer, staring at the house. Most haunted houses are plagued by the dead, not the living.
Except this one. This one is possessed by all of us, even when we aren’t here. Like it’s taking little parts of us, storing us in its foundation and nails and the wood where it’s gone soft.
Run. I pause on the step.
Run, something deep down inside of me screams. It shakes the bars on its cage and tells me to turn around. No, not just something. I know what’s locked in there. What shouts my darkest worries at me as I’m trying to fall asleep. The thing that freezes when I talk back to him. And it’s still there on days when things are all right and the sun shines on my face; even when I’m safe, there’s a part of me always wondering when it’s going to start again. And it’s there in my chest—that thing.
It’s fear.
And I’ve locked it away, like the dangerous creature it is. Because fear makes me act stupid. It makes me weak. I’d run, I want to tell the fluttering thing inside of me, if there were anywhere to go. There’s no place. Noplaceintheworldtorun.
My chest is tight in the cold air, and my breath catches every time I breathe. It’s already too full, with that creature in there. Too full to make room for oxygen, for life.
I step into the house.
Chapter Forty-One
MY SISTERS AND I ARE WRAPPED in a cocoon of blankets on my bed. We made it through Thanksgiving without anything happening, and he is going away for another out-of-town job this weekend, so we are up late planning