. . . well, you know, everything. But something you need to know about Colleen is that she is very levelheaded. And thinks before she acts. (What a concept!) When she met him, she was not about to jump down his throat. She was strategic.
But so was Damon. He put on his best behavior. Shook her hand and acted civil and everything.
“Why are you so skinny?” she said, pulling my arm out for her to examine.
“I just got really pissed at Damon today and I was upset and I couldn’t eat, I don’t know.”
She raised an eyebrow. “So you lost like twenty pounds from missing just one meal, only today?”
Damon even chimed in, “She just won’t eat! I tell her to eat and she doesn’t eat. There’s something wrong with you, Laura.”
“If you wouldn’t be such an asshole, then I’d be able to eat!”
I immediately flinched, expecting Damon to come back at me with an even LOUDER, more-aggressive response. . . . But instead I saw a flash across Damon’s face that I hadn’t seen since we were at his parents’ house in Long Beach. He looked . . . intimidated by Colleen.
It was such a quietly intense moment. I could almost hear the whistling-standoff music. No one was saying what they were thinking. Except Leo, who walked into the living room right at that moment.
“Can you bitches take your shoes off? Like, what the fuck, the carpet used to be beige and now it is off-beige. Oh my God, are you Colleen? You’re beautiful!”
Colleen and Damon maintained threatening eye contact as we all slipped our shoes off.
There weren’t any fistfights or yelling matches. Colleen really was kind of brilliant at being tolerant of him, while letting me figure out what I needed for myself. It felt so good to have my sister around. I could finally eat with her, and food is awesome.
Colleen slept in my room with me, on the dirty carpet. I still didn’t have a bed. There was one night where we were laying there, and I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept tossing and turning. Falling asleep gave me nightmares, and being awake was a nightmare. I just lay there in limbo. I think I woke her up.
“Hey,” she whispered to me.
“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“No, no . . . ” She trailed off. And then said, gently, “You know this isn’t good, right? This isn’t good.”
I was quiet. “I know.”
A few weeks passed and Colleen remained civil toward Damon. But in her own way, she convinced me that I was strong enough to leave him. I finally felt like I wouldn’t be so alone in the world if I didn’t have Damon with me. Colleen kind of held her arms open and said, “I’m here, dude. You’re not on your own if you leave him.”
I mustered up all the courage I had and called Damon. We were sitting in Leo and Andre’s living room. I was so nervous. I picked up the phone. Nope, too hard. Let’s smoke some weed.
We smoked a blunt. Now I was ready. I called Damon and told him it was over, that I couldn’t do this anymore. I think he was stunned, because he didn’t say much in response. I’m sure he very much regretted not smashing this cell phone.
For a couple days after, I was just scared. I was scared of what he would do. But I didn’t hear from him for one day . . . then two . . . then three. I was safe. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel safe. You guys, feeling safe is awesome. I fully recommend it.
It was finally just me and Colleen living it up in the big city. We were having a blast. We’d go out at night and drink and dance and do whatever the fuck we wanted. I even could talk to random people on the street if I wanted to without getting yelled at!
We had absolutely no money except a bit that Colleen had saved up, but it was all okay. Everything was okay.
A few days after I broke up with Damon, Colleen met a very cheesy model dude. She didn’t know he was cheesy yet, although I thought that the bleached tips and shell necklace were an immediate giveaway. Later on, he drove her up Mulholland Drive in a vintage car, blasted Frank Sinatra, pulled her out of the car and said, “Let’s DANCE!” To which she responded, “I . .