movement of her throat as she swallowed. I was hard as a rock underneath this water. I was going to have to stay in here until the sun went down.
She handed back my drink and our hands touched. I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. What was happening to me? I wasn’t a kid. I’d been with tons of girls. I knew how to control myself. But fuck if Savy didn’t turn me on with every little thing she did. Every smile, ever accidental touch, every stolen look. I was playing with fire. I’d set out today to let her have fun. Nothing more. But the longer I was around her, and the more she let down the walls she’d erected, the harder it was to resist.
“We should head home soon,” I told her.
Her easy grin fell. “Oh, uh, okay.”
“Nathan will be getting off work and I really don’t want him to find out about this.” God I sounded like a pussy, afraid of my younger brother. I kept teetering between not giving a fuck and fucking terrified. It was pathetic, and I knew it.
“I understand.” She looked down and trailed her fingers through the water, the small ripples fanning outward until they faded back under the surface. “Thank you for doing this for me. I know what the consequences could be for you.”
I hated taking away her joy. I hated I was ruining her fun, I hated that I’d shown her a glimpse of what life could be without Nathan and now I was delivering her back to him. I wanted so badly for things to be different. For all of us.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered. I was sorry because I wished like hell I could do more, give her more.
“It’s not so bad.” She took my cup and drained it dry. “Nate isn’t a monster. He’s my best friend.” She was back tracking again, letting her guilt override her sense of self-preservation. I wouldn’t allow it.
Maybe I couldn’t give her freedom, I couldn’t give her back the years she’d lost, but I could give her a safe space where she didn’t have to profess everything was okay when it wasn’t. A space where her guilt didn’t have to exist.
“You don’t have to pretend around me. You can be you. You can be tired. You can be irritated and angry and willful. Be wild. Be reckless and loud. Complain, throw a fit. Scream, cry, laugh, curse. Do it all. You be the one to lose control for a change. I’ll be right here to make sure you get it back.”
That was the least I could do for her. Being my brother’s keeper had put her in an emotional and social straight jacket. She deserved to be out of control, she deserved to be young. Our parents, and yes, me too, had kept her from being able to be a kid, a goofy tween, and a beautiful teenage girl. It was a wonder she hadn’t combusted from the isolation.
I’d moved closer to her with every word I’d spoken until our chests were touching. I hadn’t meant to get so close. It seemed my body had a mind of its own when it came to her.
She was breathing heavily, her face was flushed, and her lips were parted. Damn. She was excited and fuck if that didn’t make my dick even harder. Her gaze searched mine, and she held me in a trance. I knew what she was waiting for and I wanted to give it to her so damn bad. I couldn’t, so I looked over her shoulder, breaking the contact, too afraid of the consequences.
I heard her let out a small sigh. “Okay. I will,” she murmured.
She stood and walked past me and out of the water like a freaking swimsuit model heading into the crowd of people dancing on the sandy shoreline. I watched as she made her way into the middle of the group and random guys touched her, danced with her and held her body. Someone handed her another beer and she drank it down fast.
I knew she wasn’t trying to punish or tease me. She was only doing what I’d suggested she do. She was taking my advice. But she wound me tighter with every move she made. I was jealous of the guys who put their hands on her. I was enamored by the look on her face and the fun she was having. I wanted to be right there with