past the prime virginity-shedding years with her v-card still intact.
Jesus, this woody hurts.
I shift in my seat to try to relieve some of the pressure.
Distraction.
I need a distraction.
And not a distraction that involves thinking about funerals, friends dating married guys, my family, or anything other than getting to know Muffy a little better. “What made you get into matchmaking?”
There’s a long pause while Phil Collins sings softly in the background.
Phil Collins?
One, who changed my radio station?
Two, how did I know that’s Phil Collins? I don’t listen to Phil Collins.
“I want to help people,” Muffy says quietly. “Especially the people who are usually overlooked.”
I glance at her. She’s staring out the window at the row of stores we’re passing on our way out of Richmond. “Help people find love?”
“It’s the greatest power on earth. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we actually loved each other the way we pretend to? I can’t fix the world. I can’t fix their bodies. Clearly. Medical school drop-out and all that. But if I can help one person who feels different find someone who loves her the way she deserves to be loved, then I can change her world. And I don’t always get it right.” She snorts quietly. “Okay, I often don’t get it right. I could write a book about all the awkward dates my clients have had because of me, though I’m getting better at making sure that doesn’t happen anymore. But I hope I’m also showing all of my clients that they can love themselves. That they’re worthy of love. And that their needs are as important as anyone else’s.”
Now my dick isn’t the only thing uncomfortable.
My chest is feeling some tightness too. “That’s pretty cool.”
“It would be if it worked,” she mutters.
I’ve seen Muffy sassy. I’ve seen her confident. I’ve seen her not give two shits and I’ve seen her tell off people to defend her friends.
Hell, she’s told me off a time or two. Not that many days ago inside a Cod Pieces, actually.
I even saw her scared this weekend. Angry, too.
But I’ve never seen her defeated.
“You have a higher calling,” I say. “A purpose. That’s cool.”
“What’s a purpose without results?”
“You got Kami and Nick together.”
“No, I didn’t. Kami would’ve found herself other dates on dating apps with or without me, and Nick would’ve come to his senses all on his own. He did come to his senses all on his own. I was a tool in her belt. I wasn’t the magic. She was the magic.”
“But she trusted you.”
“Above all things, Kami is kind, and she called me because she didn’t want my feelings to get hurt if I heard she was using a dating app. You don’t have to pretend I’m a good matchmaker. I’ve made a fine art out of failing for a long time, and I know it. I’m okay with who I am, because I keep trying, and that’s what’s important.”
I floor the gas pedal as I hit the on-ramp to I-56. Muffy is not okay with who she is, and she doesn’t even know it. “You said you’ve made a few matches lately.”
She makes a face. “A few isn’t anything to write home about.”
“Tell me three good things about yourself.”
“What?”
“Three good things. Tell me.”
“I’m no longer in Richmond, I’m not my mother, and I can burp the alphabet.”
“Seriously?”
“No. I accidentally burfed once at a dinner party my dad was hosting for his boss, and I’ve made an effort to never burp in public again. Private either.”
“Burfed?”
“Burped and barfed at the same time? Like when you think it’ll be a quiet burp that you can subtly stifle, but then stuff comes up? Like a shart in your mouth? Oh my god. This is exactly why I can’t get a date, isn’t it? You kissed me. We slept in the same bed together. We’ve had sex. We ghosted each other. And now I’m talking about sharts and burfs.”
“You have a name for it. That’s hot.”
“Don’t mock me.”
“I’m serious. I like made-up words.”
“When they’re about bodily functions?”
“I also like that you’re not afraid to speak your mind. You care enough about your friends to get physically and emotionally uncomfortable to be there for them. And you want to make the world a better place.”
She’s eyeballing me again. I can feel it, and it makes me want to squirm.
With good reason, given what comes out of her mouth next.
“Why don’t you ever want to get married?”
Is it hot in here? Or is it