it’s too early in the pregnancy to be glowing and yet I feel full of warmth and light and love. Everything feels right with the world.
‘It’s lovely to see you so happy,’ Beth says with a genuine smile. I beam back at her. Then she turns to Peter. ‘This is big news for you both. And how do you feel about it, Peter?’
‘I—’ He hesitates and I squeeze his hand tighter. ‘Well, I think we need to talk about it. Because we’ve been so close to splitting up lately. And like Danielle says, even at the weekend she was considering ending it. And I’m just not sure that a baby can change everything.’
I shake my head. ‘But the pregnancy explains why I was erratic at the weekend. It must have been the hormones making me irrational. Everything’s different now. So many of our arguments were about having a baby, and now I’m pregnant. So most of what we argued about just isn’t an issue anymore.’
‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Peter says.
‘What do you mean by that?’ Beth asks.
‘Well, I don’t think our problems will go away just because we have a baby. I think if anything they may get worse.’
I glare at him. I wish I hadn’t brought him here. Wish he wasn’t saying all these things to Beth.
‘What problems are you referring to? I’ve heard things from Danielle’s side over the last few weeks, but I’d love to hear your view.’
Anger bubbles inside me. I’d thought Beth cared about me, I thought she was on my side. But now she’s listening to Peter, wanting to hear what he has to say. I feel like I’m losing control.
‘Danielle has a temper,’ Peter says. ‘And I think she needs to try and manage it before we have a child.’
‘I don’t have a temper.’ I try to say it softly, but it still comes out louder and angrier than I intended. I make myself sit completely still, to stop my hands from clenching into fists.
‘You do,’ Peter says. ‘You know you do. And that’s why I’ve hesitated before agreeing to have a baby. You know that. You know I don’t think we’re ready yet.’
‘But now we have to be,’ I say. ‘Because I’m pregnant.’
Peter sighs. ‘I have no idea how you got pregnant. I thought you were on the pill.’
‘It must have failed. It’s not completely reliable. I might have forgotten to take it a couple of times. I’ve been so busy with work.’
‘How could you forget?’
‘I don’t know. I’m sorry. But that doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that I’m pregnant and now we’re having a baby. We can’t change that.’
Peter frowns. I’d hoped that once I was pregnant he’d be just as excited as me about the baby, but he didn’t react like that at all.
‘We only got back together a couple of months ago. We said we’d wait before we had a baby. And now…’
‘And now it’s happened sooner than we thought. It’s like fate… like there was a plan for us all along.’
‘I don’t think so. I think you wanted a baby and you made it happen. You always get what you want.’
I can’t hide my smile. He’s right about that. ‘But it was an accident.’
‘That’s what you say. A lot of “accidents” seem to happen around you. Like you “accidentally” forgot to take the pill.’
‘I didn’t do it on purpose.’
‘OK, then.’
‘Look. We’re lucky. We’re having a baby. Lots of people never get that opportunity.’
‘But we’d spoken about it and we’d decided to wait.’
‘Things have changed.’
Peter looks directly at me. ‘But what if I don’t want them to change? What if I don’t want the baby?’
Twenty-Five
Beth
Despite rushing out of the house, I’m late dropping Charlie off at school and I have to go to the school office and sign him in.
‘Third time this month,’ the receptionist says. ‘Don’t let it happen again.’
‘I won’t.’ It’s harder to get Charlie ready on time without Richard here to help, and I’m always forgetting something. I feel like I’m only just about holding it together, that I’m letting Charlie down. The school rang me last week when he didn’t have his lunch box. I didn’t know how I’d forgotten it but then I saw it, all packed, on the kitchen counter. I just hadn’t taken it in to the school. I’d cancelled my next client and rushed in, but I still missed the lunch break. I was racked with guilt, imagining him waiting on his own while the teachers scrambled round to