him all the emotion I kept bottled up for three months.
I feel when he capitulates, when his lips move with mine, when his arms embrace me and hang on. He takes control, his tongue inside my mouth, exploring me, taking, and I surrender to it. Take me, take me, my lips say. Love me and only me.
Don’t ever stray. Don’t ever look at anyone but me.
I know it’s too much to ask, but I bask in his touch like a flower who needs the rain after a long drought. He’s the first to pull away with slow movements of his mouth, and I tilt my head up and reach up for more, wanting to taste him again, one little kiss to keep for myself, but he’s back against the wall, his eyes low as I ease away from him and let my arms fall to my sides.
He watches me, his face boarded up.
I stand there for way too long. I feel bare and open, people whispering nearby. I’m also aware of his date a few feet away. She hasn’t gone far. Smart girl.
Seconds tick by. One, two, three, four, five.
My chest expands. “Best kiss I’ve ever had.”
He closes his eyes.
And me?
I walk away, my hand on my mouth, feeling the tingles.
23
I drive Mary back to her dorm and we get out to walk into her building. It’s late, but she’s still chattering about my singing and what a good time she had, even though some other girl kissed me.
My hands tighten as I open the lobby doors and escort her inside.
“Blaze, I can’t thank you enough for such a great time.” She pulls me past the girl at the front desk and leads me over to the stairwell. “You in the mood for a nightcap? I have some Fireball up in my room.”
She tilts her head up at me as she pulls her hair off her shoulders, swishing it around shapely shoulders.
“Ah, I’m pretty beat. I have classes tomorrow.”
“So do I, silly.”
I rub my neck and study her. She’s a sweet girl and—
I give her a smile, even though it’s difficult. My stomach is in knots, has been all evening.
“Hey, don’t worry about my cousin. Dillon knows I do whatever I want. He gave me a box of condoms the day I arrived on campus.” She laces her hand with mine, and I stare down at our intertwined fingers.
I never held hands with Charisma. I let my fingers brush hers but never went for it.
I should have. I should have.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Blaze? Are you listening?”
“Sorry. Random thought. Happens all the time.”
She studies me, and her shoulders slump as a knowing glint grows in her eyes. “It was that girl, wasn’t it? Dillon said her name was Charisma.”
I shrug.
“She’s the one you broke up with last fall, right?”
I nod. “I guess. We weren’t a couple.” I pushed her away before it got to that.
She huffs out a laugh. “I didn’t think so. She doesn’t look like your type, to be honest. I mean, I though she’d be…different.”
“How?” I frown.
“You know more…sorority girl, beautiful, or at least Southern. Her accent is super weird.”
“She is in a sorority—Chi-O—and she is beautiful.”
“I’m rushing Theta next fall. I can’t wait.”
I’m not listening. “She is my type. She’s fucking amazing. She makes me laugh my ass off. She’s believed in me since day one, okay? Never a doubt in her mind about what I can do with a football—”
I inhale sharply, reining myself in.
She frowns. “Look, I’m just repeating what everyone knows you said to her at that party last year. You dumped her in a big way, so I just assumed she’s still trying to get with you.” She shrugs. “She’s got some nerve kissing you, right?”
“She’s got nerves of steel,” I say tightly. My head is all over the place. “And who knows what I said at that party?” I want to kick them in the nuts. I want to kick myself. I was so angry that night, all of my shit bubbling up, knowing I had to let her go.
“Dillon was there. He may have mentioned it. It was a huge party,” she reminds me.
A long exhalation comes out, and I look away from her questioning eyes. Charisma…she thinks she’s not right for me. She thinks…fuck…my words to her. But we had this conversation, she and I; we worked it out, and I explained to her what I really meant, yet inside, maybe it never stuck with her. She