aunt and uncle weren’t unkind. They just didn’t expect me to be added to their new family, you know? Plus, they didn’t have much, and there I was…taking up space and eating their food.”
“I see.” He saw himself as a burden.
“The church we attended did one of those free portrait things for our directory. That’s why the background is so crappy. Don’t know why I keep it, but I can’t seem to throw it away. I miss the girls the most.”
I stare at it and chew on my bottom lip, searching for something to say. I recall all the pictures of me and my brothers around the house. There’s even a high school graduation picture of me in our guest bathroom across from the toilet, and no matter how many times I’ve begged Ma and Pop to take it down, insisting no one wants to see me while they poop, they refuse to take down my “shit picture”.
He tucks the photograph back in his wallet.
“Blaze, I—”
He grimaces. “Nah, don’t tell me you’re sorry about how I grew up. If anything, it’s given me my drive. Someday I’ll prove to them and everyone in Alma that I’m not just the product of two losers. I’m going to get out of Mississippi and be someone.”
“I believe you.” Unexpected emotion flies at me, clogging up my throat as I think about him never having a family like I did.
He gives me a look, his gaze drifting over my face for what seems like several seconds. “Thank you for those words.”
“I’ve always known you have the guts to shoot for the stars. It’s plain as day when you take the football field.”
“Didn’t know you came to that many games.”
I shrug. “You know Margo. She wants us there to cheer on the team, rah-rah-ree. I did my duty.”
“Yeah, of course.” A rare, vulnerable expression crosses his face, and I don’t like it. Not one bit.
“‘All great and precious things are lonely,’” I murmur, the words slipping out. “John Steinbeck.”
His face stills, and he gives me a long, lingering look, the air between us thicker, intimate.
“Is that…is that a compliment from the girl who hates me? Are you saying I’m precious?”
Uh…
“You do hate me, right?” His eyes hold mine, those baby blues that make me weak, and even though I don’t want to feel desire for him anymore, it rears its head, my senses lighting up at his smell, at our close proximity—
I back away from him, my feet knowing instinctively that it’s time to go.
“Charisma?”
“I—I have to go.”
“Don’t. We’re talking.”
“I have to. Got to get those rice cakes before someone else does.”
“You don’t want to leave. I know you don’t.”
“You don’t know anything,” I say, my hands tight on my purse. He has no right to ask me to talk to him.
“I know you’ve got walls so thick no one can penetrate them.”
“Yeah, well, so do you, but Charisma Rossi doesn’t need walls. Charisma Rossi is tough as nails.”
“She’s also talking about herself in the third person.” He lets out a small laugh. “Damn, you’re funny.”
His laugh…it makes me sad, reminding me that I won’t be hearing it anymore. “See you around, Blaze.”
I turn my back, and each step feels as if I’m wading through thick mud. I can’t look back. I can’t…
“Charisma.”
His voice is soft, yet it carries to me. “What?” I say, though I keep walking.
“I’m not fucking her.”
The air goes out of me, and I feel lightheaded as I whip back around.
I don’t have to ask who he means.
“I haven’t been with anyone. Not one single girl.”
“So?” My voice is raspy. “Why do I care?”
He studies me, those crystal eyes glittering at every detail of my person. He works his way over my face, lingering for a long time on my lips.
“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe you don’t give a shit, but at least now you know.”
“Why tell me now?”
His eyes hold mine. “I don’t know. What do we have to lose?”
Only the rest of me.
Doesn’t he know I would have kept on with him for as long as he wanted? The worst thing of all is that even after he ended us, I might have taken him back if he’d tried.
How awful is that? To know a guy has power over you, to know he can tear down your defenses so much that you’d take any scrap you could get?
I wanted to be his.
“I’m not your type, remember?”
He never moves his gaze from me. “You were fire in my hands.”
My heart clenches.