But apparently, I wasn’t being very good at hiding that something was bothering me, even though I’d tried my best to play it off.
Because no matter how hard I’d tried, Connie was calling me on my shit. One quick glance at Boogie told me he was in on it too, even though he’d only gotten to her house that morning. It was Richard’s birthday, and we were celebrating it over the weekend. It was mostly going to be a day and a half of doing two of the things he loved the most: going bowling today, and tomorrow we were driving to Houston to watch the White Oaks’ game against the Three Hundreds. Zac’s old team. I was still bitter toward them even so many years later for letting him go.
Thinking about Zac….
My chest ached a little. More than a little. An awful lot.
“There isn’t really much to tell,” I said, trying to keep my voice as nonchalant as possible, smiling and making it seem like everything was fine. Which was what I’d been trying to do since I’d gotten to Connie’s house.
After I’d snuck out of Trev’s house while Zac had been gone, I’d driven up to Killeen and knocked on my sister’s door at eleven o’clock at night. I’d even made sure not to cry so she wouldn’t get suspicious. I’d waited to let go—just a little—until I was in Guillermo’s room to really do it, and I’d covered my face with my jacket so that I wouldn’t make a sound.
Zac had started texting me about three hours into my drive, when I’d figured he’d gotten home and found me… not there.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Where you at?
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Peewee?
I texted him back at the first red light I got to with my heart in my throat. I didn’t want him to worry.
Me: On my way to Killeen. I’m sorry, Zac. I understand if you’re mad, but I really want to see my sister and check out a few places. Get out of your hair for a while too so you can focus. I promise I’m fine. I’ll text you when I get there if you want me to.
His replies came in almost instantly, but I waited until I got to another red light, right before getting to her house, to read them.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Bianca
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Please tell me when you get there
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Or come back. You said we were gonna talk
Me: I will. And we can talk whenever. [smiley face emoji]
I waited until I was parked to send him another message and then put my phone on silent so I wouldn’t do anything in front of Connie that would give her a clue that things weren’t great. Then it wasn’t until I was in my nephew’s room that I read his next response.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Glad you made it safe. Not glad you left in the first place. Come back
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Can we talk tomorrow?
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Eating that chocolate zucchini bread you left. You should put it in your next book.
That had been what made me cry in my nephew’s room.
Because how much did I wish that he would really want me back?
Finally, when I was able to, I texted him back once more, wiping at my eyes with the backs of my hand once I’d gotten it together.
Me: You’re busy tomorrow, remember? I’ll text you. Also: yes, if there is a next book, I’ll put it in there. Maybe with more walnuts.
He texted me back immediately, even though it was hours past his bedtime.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: There’s gonna be another book.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Miss you already kiddo. Come back. We can talk and get things sorted.
I didn’t text him back after that. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t going to go back until I had a real plan. I’d left most of my things in the bedroom at Trevor’s after all.
But that didn’t stop Zac. He sent more messages the next day. And the one after that. And had every day since.
Messages that said what he was doing (practicing, eating), things Trevor said or did, but mostly though, he asked me to drive back and said he missed me.
I texted him back every single time, even though my heart hurt.
Every message nearly made me cry, but I smiled instead because Connie didn’t need to be all up in my business more than usual.
And I’d thought I’d done a