you're going to be okay."
"Was there a bomb?" he said. "Was there an explosion?" His voice faltered. "Dad, what happened? Harper's hurt."
"Don't you worry about Harper," Matthew said. "She's fine. She's going to be okay." He was examining Tolliver's wounds with his fingers, pulling Tolliver's shirt up to examine the skin.
Then Tolliver's eyes rolled up and his face went slack.
"Oh, Jesus!" I almost moved my hands, but even in the panic of the moment I knew I mustn't. I'd held on for what felt like hours. It was no time to let go.
"He's not dead," Matthew yelled. "He's not dead."
But he looked dead to me.
"No," I said. "He's not dead. He's not. He can't be. It's his right shoulder, and that's not the heart. He can't die from this." I knew what a fool I was being, but there was no shame in it right at that moment.
"No, he won't die," his father said.
I opened my mouth to scream at Matthew, though I don't know what I would have said, and then I clamped my lips together because I heard an ambulance.
There were people crowding in the door to the room, and they were talking and exclaiming, and I heard some of them shouting at the ambulance driver Come over here, come over here, and if I turned my head to my left, I could look out the window and see the flashing lights. More than anything else I'd ever wanted, I wanted someone who knew what the hell they were doing to come into this room and take the hell over, someone who could fix my brother and stop this bleeding.
There was more yelling outside, as the police got there right along with the ambulance and began urging everyone to move back, move back, and then the ambulance guys were there inside the room and Matthew and I had to get out of the narrow space so they could work.
The police took me outside, and I could not remember a single face after that night. "Someone shot him through the window," I said, to the first face that seemed to be asking me a question. "I was standing behind him and someone shot him through the window."
"What relation?" asked the face.
"I'm his sister," I said automatically. "This is his dad. Not my dad, but his." I don't know why I made the distinction, except I'd been making it clear to people for years that I had no kinship to Matthew Lang.
"You need to go to the hospital, too," said the face. "You need to get that glass pulled out."
"What glass?" I said. "Tolliver got shot."
"You have glass in your face," the man said. I could see now that he was a man, that he was an older man in his fifties. I could see that he had brown eyes and deep creases radiating from their corners, and a big mouth and crooked teeth. "You gotta get that pulled out and cleaned."
I needed to start wearing safety goggles if I was going to keep on getting glass in my face.
Then I was at the hospital, sitting in a cubicle, and someone had taken my wallet from my purse to get the insurance information. About a hundred people were asking me questions, but I couldn't talk. I was waiting for someone to come to tell me how Tolliver was doing, and there was no point in talking until I knew what had happened to him. The doctor who was removing the glass seemed a little scared of me. She tried to keep talking, maybe thinking I'd relax if her voice kept going.
"You need to look down while I get this piece out," she said finally, and when I looked down I could feel the tension go out of her body. I must have been staring. I was wishing that I could let go of my body and float down the hall to see what was happening to my brother. If I promised to give him up if he lived, would that help? The bargains you make when you are frightened are probably a true measure of your character. Or maybe just an accurate measure of your primitive nature, what you would be like if you'd never been to a mall or gotten a paycheck or relied on someone else to provide your food.
A woman in a pink smock asked me if there was anyone else she could call for me, anyone who would like to stay with me, and I knew