to go to work. I understand your concerns, and I really appreciate you both worrying about the state of my tainted soul. I’ve got this. You guys don’t have the first clue what we might have to deal with if Ollie stays. I need you to believe me when I tell you that it’s better for everyone if she goes.”
I’d sacrifice myself to save them any day of the week. Not that sleeping with Ollie was much of a sacrifice. She was still cute as hell, even with that tiny imperfection on her face that would haunt me until the day I died. Taking her to bed wouldn’t be a hardship and would, in fact, kill a long, lingering curiosity I’d always had once we started to get older. I walked away from girls I fucked all the time without a backward glance. She wouldn’t be any different.
At least that’s what I tried to tell myself as a nagging voice in the back of my mind warned me I was about to make a huge mistake.
Ollie
I did my best not to scream when the attic room illuminated an eerie blue as lightning zipped through the sky, followed by a crack of thunder so loud it made my ears ring. I placed a pillow over my head and tried to breathe through the waves of panic washing over me. The sound of the rain against the old roof and as it pounded at the ancient windows was loud enough to drown out the thump of my racing heart and ragged breathing. But the next boom of thunder made me yelp like a wild animal as I sat up on the bed and threw the pillow across the room. There was another blinding bolt of light outside, and I squeezed my eyes shut as the room was suddenly sent into complete darkness. It was the middle of the night, but I’d had every single lamp on in the tiny room. I hadn’t always been scared of storms, but ever since the night everything went as wrong as it possibly could, I found myself facing panic attacks and the kind of anxiety that was strong enough to make me cry and throw up whenever the weather got bad enough. Usually, I could power through the irrational fear if the lights were on and thunder was just a distant rumble. I just hid under the covers and tried to breathe through it.
It seemed nothing like that was going to cut it as a coping method for tonight. To make matters worse, the wind outside started to howl, making the old house creak and groan in a million different, eerie ways. I was almost tempted to go downstairs and see if any of the boys were home. But I’d been doing my best to be as unobtrusive and as invisible as possible. I figured it was better to stay out of Huck’s way, and even though Vernon seemed like he might be an ally, I didn’t want to rock the boat now that I was finally aboard.
I had exactly one year to figure out how to get Huck to forgive me. One year until he graduated and moved on to the next phase of his life. One year where I was going to feel relatively safe and have a mostly normal life. I would walk on eggshells indefinitely to avoid riling the household up any more than I already had. Which meant I was going to have to get through this storm, the one outside the window and the one constantly whipping through my life, alone.
Crawling across the bed, I felt for my phone in the inky darkness and breathed a sigh of relief when I clicked on the flashlight app. I climbed off the bed, taking the quilt and remaining pillow with me as I carefully found my way into the bathroom. It only took a second to make a sloppy nest in the ancient clawfoot tub. I curled into a little ball and reminded myself to breathe slow and deep. I sent a few text messages to Mercer, hoping she would answer me so I could have a distraction until the storm was over, but I got no response. She wasn’t the best at replying in normal circumstances, and last time we talked, she mentioned that she’d met a new guy and was in the early stages of infatuation. When she was dating, she was even worse about getting back to me. No