our own individual lives. That fear was ultimately what made me decide to stay behind. I didn’t want to want him just because I was afraid of being without him. I wanted to want him because we were better when we were together, but still pretty great when we were apart.
I needed to prove to myself that I could function on my own. That just like him, I could thrive in an imperfect situation and make it one that was perfect for me… for us.
None of the pep talks I got from Mercer and Vernon on a near daily basis changed the fact that I was devastated to see him go and worried about how I would do without him. I cried about it at least once a week in secret. But I wasn’t very good at hiding my feelings, because Huck even offered to stay behind and switch to a school with a lower-rated law program closer to town, which only made me feel worse. I was sad at the thought of there being distance between us when it had taken so long for us to get close, but I was determined to do the right thing by letting him go chase his dream. I was going to support him from afar while I figured out who and what I wanted to be now that I had the space and freedom to do so.
“The drive isn’t too bad. I promise to come back and see you on the weekends I’m not working.” Huck muttered the promise as he bent down to grab my face between his big hands. I was sitting on the edge of our bed. I’d decided to take over his room officially since he was leaving. I never actually moved my stuff down from the attic, but I hadn’t spent a single night in the eerie room since Huck and I started hooking up.
With both Huck and Harlen moving to different cities, Vernon and I were soon going to be on our own in the big, sprawling house. I nearly wept tears of relief when the pretty computer savant told me he was sticking around for grad school. So, not only was he staying in my department and would remain my mentor, but he was also sticking around as my favorite roommate. I’d also been lucky enough to have Mercer forgive me. It took some time, and some serious persistence on my part, but eventually she started to cave. She was mad I followed her and embarrassed her. She was upset I didn’t trust her enough to make good choices for herself. In fact, the night of the date I ruined, she was planning on breaking up with my former classmate because she was tired of his mind games. She knew something was up, and the reason she was being so evasive was because she was worried he might have something to do with my past. She was trying to protect me all along. Mercer was what a true friend should be, and I loved her even more than I already had once we got everything straightened out. I don’t know that I would’ve been able to process Huck leaving, or the eventual grief over losing my mom that had finally caught up with me, without her. I think seeing me finally come to terms with what a huge loss my mom’s death was went a long way toward softening Mercer’s anger at me.
My relationship with my mother was always complicated, but every questionable thing I’d ever done had been to keep her with me for as long as possible. Letting go of the weight of the responsibility for her wellbeing was life changing. I felt like I could finally breathe and move without bumping into a new, impossible obstacle.
Vernon and I were trying to decide if we wanted new roommates to help split the cost of the rent, or if we wanted to try and cover the expenses by ourselves. Neither one of us was exactly trusting or liked strangers in our space, so it looked like I might have to find a second part-time job before the semester started. No matter how much I enjoyed working at the store, there was no way I made enough to cover all my expenses. If I were a better student, I could tutor like Vernon, but that wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon.
Truthfully, Vernon seemed more depressed that Harlen was leaving than I was about Huck. He’d