know that I do not want the role in his movie, as I do not believe I’m the right actor for the part. Thanks again, and it was great meeting you.” I paused and added (so I didn’t burn all my bridges), “I would love to work with you in the future if you have anything that suits me better. Thank you so much. Goodbye.”
Star stared at me with an open mouth. “What the fuck was that all about?” She took a sip of her coffee and picked at a muffin. “Don’t you think you should have chatted with me about this first? I mean, Samuel Myers may be a jerk but he is very powerful. Janie, you have sabotaged a great opportunity.”
“An opportunity to behave like a slut? To flash my wares on screen in front of millions? That’s just not me, Star. I trained and trained at drama school. Two toads terribly tired tried to trot to Tewkesbury.”
She laughed. “What?”
“Grab the groundhog from the glazed grass. Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran.”
Star tried to say that sentence and failed miserably. We burst out laughing.
“Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry, red lolly, yellow lolly,” she blurted out, then laughed again.
Then I said earnestly, “Look, I didn’t learn to enunciate my consonants, breathe from the diaphragm and learn reams of Shakespeare so I could then whip off all my clothes. It’s not my ambition to be famous for the sake of being famous. I’m a serious actor.”
“Whatever,” Star said with a hurt look on her face.
I realize I’d insulted her. Not only was Star not a “trained” actor, but she had taken her clothes off once or twice in movies. But in her case it worked. Me? It would be my debut and something I’d never be able to shake off for the rest of my career.
“Let’s go, or we’ll be late,” she said, getting up. “I have to collect my kids from their friend’s house. First we need to swing by my place though.”
Uh-oh, I’d unwittingly snubbed her. “I love your work, by the way,” I said, to try and smooth things over. “Really, you made me cry ugly tears in Skye’s The Limit.”
WHEN I SET MY GAZE on Star’s home, my nose prickled and my eyes welled up at its beauty. It was like something you’d see in an architectural magazine. She lived in Malibu, right on Pacific Coast Highway, her backyard a wild garden, and the beach her playground. There were olive and orange trees, and tropical grasses that sprung from the sand, climbing jasmine, sweet and aromatic, and a hammock above a wooden deck where you could laze and read books. There was even a pool, the water not bright turquoise but a gunmetal blue. The back of the house was a set of vast, sliding glass doors, leading from the enormous, state-of-the-art kitchen, and living room; the view spectacular. I breathed in the salty breeze. This place was heaven.
“You like our pad?” Star asked with a wink. “Not bad, huh? For a girl who grew up in a trailer park.”
“You grew up in a trailer park? I never knew that.”
“Before I became famous. Before we were financially solvent. You could have a place like this, you know, if you choose to branch out into movies.”
“You mean, if I take my clothes off?”
“Hey, I’ve done some work I’m not thrilled with, but it paid the rent. It put food on the table. You can either go and read Miss Julie somewhere and study your craft ‘til you’re blue in the face, or you can get on board and make some real money.”
I was surprised. I had believed that Star was an actress who held onto her ideals. Now, it seemed, as if she was advocating film, not as a craft, but as a vehicle for making money. But then, she’d been very poor, judging from her background. Poor is something you never forget. My damp apartment that had patches of mold growing on the ceiling came to mind. It was a “steal” by New York standards, even with the mold. I thought of my younger brother, Will, who—intellectually impaired and with mild autism—needed all the aid he could get. I helped him out financially whenever I could. And here was Star offering to give me a leg up, introduce me to her power agent, and make calls to Steven freaking Spielberg! And I was acting like a purist, a green ingénue, fresh