I was always there. He is not the only one that produces delirium... or gives you white knuckles as you clench the sheets. Do be honest with yourself, if not with me." He inhaled sharply, and let the thought fester between them for a moment. "When you are--"
"Stop," she murmured, holding up her hand.
"Why?"
She stared at him for a moment. "Because."
He nodded. "I understand that, as well." He waited a beat, his devastating smile drawing her eyes to his mouth. "When you thought he was dead, and you ripened alone... lover, I was there for it all. Thank you."
"Don't," she said, and gathered her arms around herself, closing her eyes against her will. "Too raw."
"Yes. Very. And Jose became superimposed on that urgent impression because he felt every shiver in your music... he, too, is an artist, and could appreciate the depth of the emotion in your creation. He didn't just hear it, like me, he felt it, and it spawned his own creation amid the torment." The entity released a long, steady exhale. "I cannot fathom how he hved in the same house with you, in the flesh, and remained faithful. I must study that further, and meditate upon it for my own strength. But, then, he is also not a Neteru, thus, perhaps his torment was more manageable? However, when you sing, your voice still slaughters him. You might as well be making love to the man."
"I know. Leave Jose out of this discussion," she whispered, not looking at him. She couldn't. She wanted to fill his arms so badly she was almost rocking.
"For a long time, even some nights, you have haunted him. Is that why you do not create with the group now? Are you afraid of what could manifest?"
Damali simply nodded.
The being sighed and nodded. "Misplaced guilt. You must correct that error within your mind. You will no more cross that unspoken boundary than he will. You each are grounded and tethered to others within this incarnation--but you must deal with it, or you are bound to repeat it."
Her eyes sought his, holding a plea. "I can't go through this again. Everything I've been through. No."
"Then address whatever you must address, now." The silver within his eyes flared slightly with an inhale that made his nostrils follow suit. "I have been doomed to repeatedly incarnate until I have mastered this last lesson of selfless sacrifice. This is why I implore you to learn your lessons well during this gift of human experience." He smiled sadly. "You are my greatest challenge, yet."
"I don't want to kick up any mess on the team, or do anything that could--"
"All artists feed off each other," he said flatly. "Inspired works in one dimension ignite inspiration in another, an unending fractal of pure light, combined thought... energy cells splitting and forming something new. Do not fear your art. Do not give it away or close it off, no matter where it takes you. Abandon it not. No more than you would give away your Isis for fear of how it cuts; your music is a part of your soul. No husband should make you fear its genesis or revelations. That is your alpha and omega within this life-- not your lover. Not flesh."
Again, she nodded but refused to meet his eyes with her own. "Which is why waves of similar songs, books, films, and three- dimensional art often seem to be born in the same eras?"
His low gasp cut through her skeleton. "Yes, oh God, yes."
"Your voice, I can't. . ." she admitted. "Resist."
"Nor I, yours," he said. "Not when you are learning, creating, building to a crescendo of pure knowledge, thought. I have all but surrendered to it." Urgency filled his eyes as they searched her face. "Just tell me yes... permit me, just once, to hear it with you, now, in the flesh. Speak to me as I love you in total."
Her lips parted as he walked toward her. She could feel the warmth oozing from his skin, capturing the light off the floor, adding to the pure sexuality he radiated. "I can't."
He stopped, but his breaths dragged in and out of his chest like a man drowning. "Then create for me... your most desire-filled work. Tonight... please."
She nodded. "This feels like I'm having an affair." She smiled weakly.
"You are. Surrender to it."
Again, only silence and a very small portion of bathroom tile stood between them. Guilt clawed at her insides, leaving her conflicted by the pure want