the programme out of the plastic bag, her fingers sliding over the smooth cover. For a moment nothing happened and the gap of time left a moment for her to worry that the gift – if that was what it was – really had left her. But then the sensations came to her. It was not simply a vision; it felt as though she was actually there. She could feel the sun on her, fiercely hot, and the spray of water that hit her bare arms like a cold shock. She heard the roar of the crowd and sensed the electric atmosphere about her. The world was alight. She felt excited, pulsing with adrenaline and intense pleasure.
She was Annie Bowling, twenty years old. There was so much she wanted to do, so much of life to explore. A boy was sitting beside her; she was holding his hand but they could not keep still; the music was around them and in them. It was a part of them and they were a part of the whole, and they leaped up and danced and kissed, and Lizzie could feel the tumble of emotion inside; the love, the happiness, the sweet sense of fun, a life that was simple and easy…
Lizzie opened her eyes. Her cheeks were wet with tears. The feeling of happiness was fading away now leaving only an echo of emotion. She touched the programme one more time: LIVE AID, 13 JULY 1985. At the bottom, beneath a picture that was still crayon bright, were the words ‘This programme saves lives.’ It had certainly saved hers on more than one occasion. Connecting to the mother she had never really known, knowing that there was a time when her mother had been happy, when her life had been uncomplicated and exciting, gave Lizzie strength.
Carefully she put the programme away in its bag and slipped it back into its place beneath the make-up and the pills. She felt bereft but steadier too. When she came out of the bedroom, Kat was in the living room, perched on the leather sofa, waiting to go to the dance studio with her. Kat had her own key to Lizzie’s flat and came and went as she pleased. In the past Lizzie hadn’t minded. Kat had been a part of her life for ever and it seemed natural. Today, though for the first time it irritated her that Kat would just walk in unannounced, essentially doing her job as she had done it for the past ten years or more.
I’m an ungrateful bitch, Lizzie thought, and gave Kat an extra-warm hug to make up for her thoughts.
‘Are you ready to go, babes?’ Kat was looking very smart, from which Lizzie judged that the press must be outside. She made no reference to Lizzie flouncing out on her and Bill the previous day, taking it in her stride the way she had dealt with so many other dramas in Lizzie’s life.
‘Sure.’ Lizzie picked up her gym bag. She still felt jittery and vulnerable, not wanting to face the waiting cameras. She straightened her shoulders. If Jules was here her cousin would tell her to get some steel in her backbone.
They went out into the foyer and Kat called the lift. It was so quiet in here, protected, soundless, a padded box. It was almost a shock when the lift doors opened and one of Lizzie’s neighbours, a hedge fund manager called Natasha, stepped out and smiled at her.
‘Hi, Lizzie,’ she said. ‘I guessed the paps were all here for you.’
‘Sorry,’ Lizzie said, cringing a little. ‘I seem to be bringing the place into disrepute.’
Kat looked up from her phone in surprise as though anyone would find press interest a problem and Lizzie and Natasha exchanged another smile as they passed.
There was silence again as the lift descended. Kat seemed engrossed in WhatsApp. Lizzie tapped her foot. The lift doors opened. Lizzie stepped forward.
‘Whoa!’ Kat caught her arm at the same moment that the noise and chaos hit like a tidal wave. Normally the security guards kept the press firmly outside the building but today the elegant marble-floored foyer was full of people. At least three uniformed security officers were struggling to restrain a slight, blond youth in jeans and a grey hoodie who was fighting them off as though his life depended on it. Jason, the normally imperturbable duty manager, was shouting urgently down the phone whilst people flooded in from the street, taking pictures and