practically jammed my nose against the screen to see it better, laughing incredulously when something pushed along her tight skin. "What is that?"
She laughed. "I don't know, it feels like an elbow maybe?" Lia's hand drifted over that spot, and her fingers pushed. When she pulled back, the baby moved again, and I found myself laughing.
"Did he just push you back?"
"Yeah." She sighed. "This is the weirdest thing ever." After one more small roll underneath the surface of her skin, Lia tugged her shirt down and moved the angle of her phone so I could see her face. "You said he."
I traced every part of her face, documenting the changes since I'd last seen her. "Did I?"
Lia nodded. "I'm trying not to guess."
"Why not?" I settled back against my pillow, in no rush to end this conversation. I'd talk to her all bloody night if she'd let me.
She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I don't know. It feels like ... how often do we get this big of a surprise, right? There's nothing else in life, no bigger moment when you could find out news of this magnitude. I like not knowing, not expecting. And when they come …" Her voice trailed off, and she got a dreamy expression on her face that about had me fucking crying. "Then I'll get that moment, you know?"
"What moment?" I asked, so fully entranced by her.
"When you meet the most important person in your life, and your soul can go, Oh, yes, you're the one I've been waiting for."
This.
This was the danger in us talking face-to-face.
I wanted to spout words, poetic and emotional and impossible to take back. And I think she knew it because she was looking at me carefully in the silence that followed what she'd said.
I cleared my throat. "I like the sound of that moment."
She smiled. "But it's okay if you want to guess what it is."
"Truthfully, I don't care whether it's a boy or girl." I shook my head. "Though I'll probably be a rubbish girl dad."
Lia laughed. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I'll want her to conquer a world that won't make it easy for her to do so."
"Oh." She sighed, her whole body going soft. Then her eyes teared up.
"Shit, I'm sorry, please don't cry."
Lia waved a hand. "Don't mind me. I'm just ... hormonal, you know? I cried yesterday when Emmett made me a fresh chocolate chip cookie because he heard me say it sounded good."
"I'd cry if someone made me one too."
She smiled widely.
I decided to risk one small confession. "I miss seeing you eat things you love."
"Do you?"
I nodded, holding her gaze steadily. "That's one of the things I miss."
Lia's eyes got sad, and her mouth opened, then closed.
At that moment, for the millionth time, I thought about what Declan had said. Nobody ever wants to bench the best person for the job, McAllister, and if that's you, then bloody prove it.
This was the first time we'd done a FaceTime, and in our weekly phone calls, we'd done so well, shared so much of the things that must have been important to her. And if this was my shot, then I'd take it.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said that," I started, "but I do miss you, Lia. Very much."
She let her head fall back with a sigh, against a dark gray upholstered headboard, and her eyes never wavered from mine. "I ... I don't know what I should say to that, Jude."
"Why don't we start with what you want to say?"
Her eyes closed briefly, and I saw the struggle in the pinch of her brow and the lines that appeared on her forehead when she was deep in thought.
"I wish I could," she whispered. "I wish I could tell you those things without worrying about the consequences that might come with it."
I rubbed a hand over my forehead and again, cursed the distance between us.
"I almost didn't even call you," she admitted.
"Why not?"
"Seeing your face …" She paused, sucking in a slow breath and then letting it out through pursed lips. "It's hard, Jude. Because it makes me wish we could be back like it was before. And I'm happy being back home. I'm happy to be with my family. I was afraid you'd make me wish I wasn't. And even though I know it's the right thing to be home right now, I was afraid you'd make me wish I was still there with you," she admitted quietly.
Frustration ebbed